Spending a week with my husband’s father in Oklahoma was one of the best things we could have done to help fulfill our roles as long-distance caregivers. Not only did we make cherished memories, but Roy (my father-in-law) able to share his needs and concerns and we were able to assess and address them.

When he confided that one of his sitters “pushed me on the bed” because he was unable to follow her instructions, we immediately told Randy’s brother (who has power of attorney) and were relieved to know that Roy had already reported this and the situation had been remedied. Often, care recipients are hesitant to inform family members if they feel they have been mistreated by caregivers. Still, it was the perfect opportunity to encourage Roy to always speak up when he has any concerns about the actions or behaviors of his caregivers. Complaints should never be ignored.

If you are currently in the position of long-distance caregiver, here are some suggestions to help you meet your loved one’s needs:

• Plan a visit so you can evaluate the situation firsthand. Meet with any family members who live nearby and discuss a plan of care and ways you can be more involved.  If in-home caregivers are already in place, get to know them. Introduce yourself to the neighbors and leave contact information “just in case.” If possible, schedule your visit so you can accompany your loved one to a doctor’s appointment. If he/she is a resident in a nursing facility, spend as much time there as you can and get to know the staff.
• Give your loved one ample opportunity to talk with you and listen judiciously. We learned that one of Roy’s sitters would occasionally take breaks to drive the short distance to “town” to get something to eat – leaving him alone in the house. When I later asked her what would happen in case of an emergency, she replied, “I’d never thought of that.” Well obviously, that scenario needs to be considered and guidelines put in place.
• If the care recipient still lives at home, assess needed household repairs; make them or arrange to have them done. Do a thorough safety check and correct deficiencies just as smoke alarm batteries. Check the pantry, frog and freezer for outdated food.
• Once you return home, keep in close contact by phone or email. If the caregiver is a non-family member, ask her to keep a daily journal noting activities, changes in conditions and any expressed concerns.
• Consider what steps may need to be taken in the future to provide the best possible care.

At the end of our week in Oklahoma, Randy and his siblings met to discuss the next step in his father’s care. We couldn’t move Oklahoma any closer to North Carolina, so we are bringing Roy to live with us. We are excited and a little nervous. I will let you know how it goes.