When we had arrived at 3 a.m. at my father-in-law’s home, the sitter on duty kindly agreed to stay a few hours so we could get some sleep before beginning our mission: for the next week, we would be full-time caregivers. Before meeting with the other family members to make decisions, we wanted to spend time with Roy and assess his needs. Randy woke me at 8 a.m. with this plea: “I need help changing Dad.”

Emerging from a restful sleep in caregiver mode, I began responding to needs and teaching my husband the tricks of the trade. He caught on quickly. We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at the kitchen table, with Roy regaling us with stories from his long-ago past. He talked about all eleven of his siblings, including the two who had not lived past childhood. (Randy had never heard these stories.) Although Roy had not been eating well and was losing weight, he cleaned his plate and asked for some peanut butter crackers for “dessert.” It was evident that although Roy occasionally could not find a certain “word,” his cognitive skills were mainly intact.

After assisting Roy to his recliner, we stayed close by, waiting for cues as to his needs. He wanted to watch Gunsmoke, played his own version of “solitaire” on a lap tray, and asked us to refill his ice water and sugar-free lemon drops in the candy dish as needed. It seemed evident to me that although Roy had round-the-clock sitters, he had grown accustomed to being alone. Randy asked open-ended questions that resulted in detailed replies. I rubbed lotion on his dry, cracked heels and gently massaged his neck, arms, and hands. (“Oh, that feels so good,” he acknowledged.) I inquired about his favorite foods and made a quick trip to the quaint grocery store which was better stocked than I had expected. When Randy assisted him to bed for an afternoon nap, Roy confided that next to Bernita, the thing he missed most was going to church. (His physical condition makes this very difficult.) After two more clean-plates (make that three – he eagerly devoured every crumb of the lemon pie from the dessert plate at supper), and more interesting conversations, at nine o’clock Roy was ready to call it a day. According to the sitters’ schedule, he was usually in bed by seven-thirty. After a wash-up, removal of dentures and fresh bedclothes, we stood close-by while Roy got into bed. He has his preferred method that enables him to easily achieve a comfortable position. As I pulled up the covers, I realized there was no top sheet – only a rather heavy blanket and a bedspread. “Roy, do you get hot at night?” I inquired. When he replied in the affirmative, I removed the heavy blanket and replaced it with a top sheet.

While Randy knelt beside his dad, holding his frail hand, I read several chapters from the Psalms and John 14 (from which Roy had quoted earlier in the day). Tears begin to trickle down Roy’s gaunt cheeks. When we sang Amazing Grace, Roy joined in. Randy thanked God for our day together and prayed for a good night’s sleep. After hugs and kisses, we assured him we would be close by and told him to call us if he needed anything.

Although the sitters had reported that Roy woke up every hour during the night, at 2 a.m. Randy had to wake him to give him his scheduled medication. He then slept until almost seven-thirty.  (to be continued…see part 3 Across the Plains)

 CARING QUESTIONS:  What techniques were used to discover Roy’s needs and desires? What were some of his needs? How were they addressed?