Caregiver to Caregiver

Resolution – a firm decision to do or not to do something; intention, decision, aim, aspiration, plan, commitment, pledge, promise, undertaking.

A New Year’s resolution is a tradition, most common in the Western World, but also practiced in various countries around the globe. A person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior, accomplish a personal goal, or in some other way improve his or her life.

According to one study, 46% of participants who made common New Year’s resolutions such as losing weight, exercising more, or quitting smoking were likely to succeed, over ten times as much as those deciding to make life changes at other times of the year. Another factor in NYR success is the exactitude of the goal: the more precise, the better the outcome, i. e. “lose one pound a week,” instead of “lose weight.”

A few minutes ago, I was talking on the phone with a dear friend and caregiver extraordinaire. For years she worked in textile mills. When that industry moved overseas, she trained as a CNA and spent 20 years providing excellent care for her patients, first as a home health care aid and then 12 years at a nursing home. During that time her husband became seriously ill, eventually requiring a heart transplant. She continued to work as well as provide care for him. Now deservedly retired, she remains her husband’s full-time caregiver in their home.  During our conversation I told her the title of this week’s blog and asked for suggestions.

“Take more time for yourself,” was her unhesitating response. You can tell she’s a seasoned caregiver. She has learned a most important lesson.

Often, a new caregiver thinks it is all about the recipient – that their needs must come first, even if in the process your own needs – including your health – is ignored. Rough statistics show that about 30% of caregivers die before the person they are caring for. Some research suggests even higher numbers. It is non-sensical – not selfish – for caregivers to feel they cannot or should not make time for their personal needs.  Au contraire, mon ami, it is imperative to care for yourself so that you will be able to continue caring for your loved one. 

Caregivers must give time and attention to their own well-being. Of course, this is not always easy and sometimes seems impossible. I want to encourage each caregiver reading this to make a New Year’s resolution based on the necessity of taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

The resolution does not have to be earth-shattering. You can start with just a step in the right direction. Consider one personal situation you know needs to be addressed. It could be fatigue,  loneliness, being overweight,  a cluttered house, or impatience…just to name a few possibilities.  Write down the need, then brainstorm for ways to address it and decide on a resolution. Following are some ideas to help you get started:

Fatigue: Go to bed one/half hour early each night or sleep one/half hour later; grab a power nap every afternoon when your loved-one is resting; arrange to have a family member or friend sit with your recipient for a few hours each week to give you a chance to relax and recuperate.

Loneliness: Renew an old friendship; began a new friendship join a support group for caregivers.

Being overweight: Get a thorough physical; switch from sugary drinks to water; cut out one junk food from your diet.

Cluttered house: (Note: has been determined to be one of the main causes of stress.) Put things back where you got them – not close to where they belong but the place they belong; once weekly, discard or recycle all useless papers – old newspapers, magazines, advertisements, junk mail; stop buying items you do not need and when you do buy something, give or throw away the item your are replacing.

Impatience: Pray for patience; before reacting to a difficult situation, close your eyes and take several deep breaths; respond to others in the same way you want someone to respond to you.

Short and sweet and to the point, a NYR can be the first step to a healthier lifestyle,  an improved disposition, and a more fulfilling caregiving experience. As always, these are just ideas to get your creative juices flowing. Hone in on your greatest need – then brainstorm ways to turn it into an asset. 

May 2022 be a blessed and fulfilling year for you, your recipient, and your family.