Today I will continue sharing my thoughts on giving intangible gifts this Christmas.  Last week I proposed giving your presence as opposed to presents, and noted that should be “attentive presence,” not just sitting in the same room as your loved one. Today’s gift is more intricate.

Years ago I was working part-time in the learning center of a Christian college in Missouri. The first day of December, I joined some of the students as they decorated a bulletin board for Christmas. The theme was “Intangible Gifts for Christmas – ah, you thought I was creative but I just have a good memory (for the time-being, anyway). The students constructed a large tree from – what else – green construction paper. Each designed several “ornaments” to represent those gifts that can neither be touched nor grasped, writing the name on each. There was a heart for love, bells for joy, etc.

Mandy – who had grown up in an abusive home and often had crying spells while sitting in my office – cut out a teddy bear shape from a sheet of brown paper, added dots to represent eyes, sprinkled on a little glitter, and then, from one end of the bear’s outstretched arms to the other, wrote F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N-E-S-S.

After Christmas, the students were still on vacation when I removed the Christmas tree to make way for the New Year motif. Carefully, I removed the staples from the little brown teddy bear figure and put it aside to take home. For years afterward, it graced our family’s Christmas trees, until the paper wore thin and the hole I had punched in it to tie a ribbon for hanging had broken through. With that teddy bear ready for retirement, I traced Mandy’s exact design and fashioned a replica from cardstock. A few weeks ago, as I have now done for only twenty years, I placed the little brown teddy bear with outstretched arms on our tree, along with our many other cherished (and eclectic) ornaments. I always smile when I pull that plain little paper bear out of my overflowing storage box. It is a good reminder of a significant gift.

Whether you need to seek or give forgiveness – either can be an incredible gift. Why do we mortals have such difficulty saying, “I am sorry” or “I forgive you”? Because it requires humility? Because we want to continue to imprison someone else by refusing to forgive them? That is not the way it works. When we refuse to forgive, we are the one held in bondage. Here are a few insightful quotes about forgiveness.

“Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it makes you free.” Dave Willis, Pastor

“When you forgive you sure don’t change the past, but you sure do change the future.”  Bernard Meltzer 

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Marianne Williamson 

Here is one my high-school English teacher encouraged her students to memorize. “I can forgive but I cannot forget , is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.”  Henry Ward Beecher.

Many years ago I heard a minister expound on the proper four-part apology: “I am sorry. It was my fault. Please forgive me. How can I make things right?” 

A family counselor who conducted a seminar at our church years ago shared these sage words: “The only acceptable response to a heartfelt apology is an heartfelt, “I forgive you.” He also instilled into my belief system that a qualified apology – such as “I am sorry IF I hurt you” – is not a true apology and should be avoided. Even so, if that is the apology one is offered, it should be humbly accepted. 

I have lost contact with Mandy, but the last time I heard from her she was married with kids and her parents were growing old. Being the only child, she knew the responsibility of taking care of them would someday be hers and she felt prepared. She had never forgotten the little brown paper teddy bear with outstretched arms that represented a gift she had been willing to give.

Forgiveness is indeed a valuable gift to give and receive. 

Since childhood, I have delighted in Robert Louis Stevenson’s book of poetry, A Child’s Garden of Verses, but only recently did I discover his Christmas prayer. He also understood the importance of forgiveness.

Loving Father,
Help us remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and worship of the wise men. Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts. May the Christmas morning make us happy to be Thy children, and Christmas evening bring u to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.