One of the frequent responses I receive from people year-round when I tell them we have twenty-five grandkids (besides astonished gasps!) is, “Whatever do you do at Christmas?”  I reply, honestly, that we keep the gift giving simple and focus on the true meaning of the season. 

Otherwise we would smother in wrapping paper.

A few years ago my daughter Emily and her children were shopping in Wal-Mart in early December when a nice lady approached and asked the kids, “Are you ready for Santa Claus?”

Izabella, who was only four years old at the time, didn’t hesitate before responding, “Santa Claus isn’t real. Christmas is Jesus’ birthday and He’s real.”

The nice lady appeared a little shocked as she slowly backed away. I hope Izzy’s declaration didn’t bother her too much; she was just repeating what we taught our children and they are now passing on to the grandkids. We think Santa is a jolly sort of guy, but neither he nor piles of presents should be the focus of our Christmas celebration.

Christmases past, I have encouraged readers to refrain from gift-giving that involves a stressful pursuit of shopping for “stuff” – often dust-collecting stuff – and instead give gifts that are useful or a blessing in a meaningful way; something that really makes life easier or brings joy and comfort. This year I want to take that idea one step further and suggest intangible gifts – those that cannot be bought (even if you are first in line at “the best sale of the season”).

You may have seen or even received an invitation to an anniversary or other celebration that read, “No presents, please – just your presence.” I imagine that is the desire in the hearts of our elderly loved ones, not just at Christmas but also throughout the year.

I can still remember the forlorn expressions on the faces of many of my patients in long-term care – especially in the weeks leading up to Christmas. December brought halls decked out for the season and an almost constant stream of carolers handing out trinkets tied with red ribbons and candy canes. Of course the folk enjoyed this diversion, but if I had to make an educated guess, I would suppose that the wish at the top of each resident’s list was to have someone they love sit close, listen attentively and stay awhile.

One of the sweetest ladies I have ever met sat in her wheelchair by her door until 9:30 p.m. on Christmas Day before sighing, “Well, I guess she (her only granddaughter) was too busy to come today.” And then there was the well-dressed, professional woman who visited frequently during the holidays but spent most of the time on her cell phone while her mom watched longingly – waiting to be the focus of her daughter’s attention.

Some of the residents were truly fortunate and had the attentive presence of a loved one not just at Christmas but all year long. God bless those family members.

Even full-time family caregivers who take care of their loved one at home can stay so busy meeting physical needs that they neglect to connect on a personal and emotional level.

Therefore, the first suggestion on my “intangible gift list” for caregivers is not just presence – but presence wrapped in an abundance of attentiveness and topped with a linger-longer bow. This is a gift that is sure to please your loved one. Don’t hide it in the closet until Christmas day; you can give it all month long. 

To be continued…

Caring Carol: Amy Grant sings a relatively new Christmas song that I especially enjoy listening to – I Need a Silent Night. It begins, “I’ve made the same mistake before, too many malls, too many stores…” Check it out on YouTube as a reminder of the true meaning of Christmas.