Today was a lovely day: no unplanned or unwelcome events, such as occurred last Sunday. A week ago tonight, I was in the hospital.

What started out as a quickly passing wave of light-headedness progressed as I listened intently to the Sunday sermon. When the service was over, I stood up and just did not feel right. My son-in-law, Hoyt, who is a physician’s assistant, was nearby. I told him my symptoms and he took my pulse – 45. That’s low, even for me. He suggested I go to the emergency room – not my favorite place on a Sunday afternoon (or anytime for that matter), but maybe a good idea.

I will not go into all the frustrating details. At least this time – unlike my last ER visit – the doctor did not suggest I return home, diagnosing me as “just dehydrated” when in actuality my body was being invaded by Guillaine Barré Syndrome. After several diagnostic tools were utilized, the ER doctor suggested I be admitted for 24 hours for observation. After conferring with Hoyt (my first choice for a second opinion), I reluctantly agreed. 

Immediately, I sort of regretted it. I do not like the way you become a non-person in a hospital emergency room. You are asked lots of questions, but treated with derision when asking a question of your own.

“Why do you ask that?” the nurse responded to my question. She sounded snarky to me. 

“Because I wanted to know…and I am the patient.” I think she comprehended that I was in my right mind and expected to be treated with respect. She did better.

When she left the room, my husband, who had accompanied me to the hospital, commented with a hint of admiration in his tone, “I would have never thought to ask that – how did you know?”

Don’t ask what the question was – I don’t remember; but I know it was legitimate. I do not clown around in the ER.

The point I want to make is that I knew the right questions to ask because I have some medical knowledge and have worked in that field. My education and experience provide me with an ER arsenal not available to everyone.  As long as I am conscious, I can serve as my own advocate.

Which brings me to today’s topic: advocacy for our care recipients. An advocate is someone who supports or encourages another; this noun also refers to a person who pleads on someone else’s behalf.

If you are a caregiver, part of your responsibility is advocating for the best possible care for your loved one and intervening when care is subpar or abusive.  

When I served as a nurse in a long-term care facility, occasionally a patient would indicate that he or she wanted to talk to me privately. The conversation would go something like this: “This morning (name of staff) yelled at me when I accidentally spilled my juice at breakfast. But, please…don’t say anything…it will just make her more upset at me.” Or, “(name of staff) hasn’t washed my feet all week, but the last time I complained, I didn’t get a bath for three days!”

Of course, these issues had to be addressed; but it always troubled me that the patient was hesitant to advocate for herself due to fear of reprisal. 

I have heard from many caregivers whose loved ones confide in them about perceived problems with their care. One lady noted that she got along well with all the staff, “except for one who just doesn’t like me.” Another complained that his assistant “was rough with me and yanked my arm when I was having a hard time putting on my shirt.” Unfortunately, I have even heard complete horror stories about patients who have been mocked, cursed or even slapped. On the news recently, I saw a heartbreaking story about a woman with dementia who was living in a nursing home. In-room cameras had recorded mistreatment by two staff members. A soon as this grievous action was discovered, the two lost their jobs, and rightly so. But cameras are not always available. 

Listen; always listen. It is possible that a staff’s actions have been misconstrued; but is it probable that your loved one would make up these stories? If your loved one reports, or you witness, any type of mistreatment – whether acts of omission or acts of abuse – it is imperative to voice your concern to the appropriate person immediately. Remember that it is your right to ask questions and receive answers about any and all aspects of care. It is also your right to do so without fear of reprisal (or snarky comebacks).

You should expect the person in charge to readily respond to your concerns to your satisfaction. If you are brushed off, ignored or threatened, such as being told: “You’ll just have to find another facility to take care of your mom; she obviously doesn’t belong here” take note of this red flag and act accordingly. 

NursingHomeAbuseGuide.org reports that up to 1 in 6 nursing home residents may be the victim of abuse or neglect every year. This site notes that, “Though many residents are well-cared for, abuse continues to be more prevalent than most people wish to believe and over three-fourths of the cases of nursing home abuse are perpetrated by caregivers.”

Also noted is a survey of nursing home residents which revealed up to 44 percent claimed they had been abused, and 95 percent stated they had seen another resident neglected.

These statistics are indeed troubling and should encourage all caregivers to be vigilant and readily accept the position of advocate for their loved one. Some cannot speak up for themselves; others are afraid to do so. In these situations, you must intervene on their behalf.

Ignoring their concerns or hoping for the best are not viable options. 

Caring Quote: Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves…Proverbs 31:8.

P.S. After my 24 hours were up, the medical staff came to the conclusion that I should not be on high blood pressure medication after all. It was discontinued, and a week later, my blood pressure has been normal every day, no light-headedness, and I feel much better. I follow-up with my primary care physician this week.