It was December 20, 2002. Our family did not know it at the time, but we would have exactly one more month with Daddy. Bedridden for only a few weeks, he was still aware of his surroundings, but Alzheimer’s had taken its toll. I was lamenting that I would not be able to attend our church’s Christmas Eve Service – one of my favorite occasions – because I would need to stay home with Daddy. Shame on me. When I mentioned this to my pastor, he kindly responded, “Enjoy being with your dad; this may be your last Christmas with him.”

That thought resonated. A surge of Christmas spirit overcame my melancholy and I flew to the attic and returned with a “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree that was just the right fit for Daddy’s room. A quick trip to Wal-Mart provided a string of colored lights and a star topper. I made a quick run through the store, choosing a bottle of Daddy’s favorite aftershave, a bright yellow sweatshirt and some warm fuzzy socks for his Christmas gifts. I exchanged the gospel tapes in his player with Christmas ones. Instead of suffering through a solemn Christmas, I decided to celebrate with enthusiasm! And we did. Daddy enjoyed his many visitors. We sang, read the Bible and prayed together. Daddy, even though gaunt and weak, looked bright and cheery in his new sweatshirt.

So how should we celebrate Christmas – maybe the last – with an ailing loved one?

Donna Anthers, author of A Sacred Walk: Dispelling the Fear of Death and Caring for the Dyingsuggests: “There is no better gift for a loved one’s last Christmas than the gift of peace. Helping to alleviate any lingering fear of death is a gift of inestimable value. Losing your health is one thing but coming to terms with losing your life is a monumental task. Even people with great faith need to be reminded of God’s forgiveness and promises, especially that of eternal life.”

Some other suggestions include:

• As much as possible, allow your loved one to take part in planning and preparation. If he has a favorite Christmas activity, try your best to let him experience it once more.
• Encourage visitors, but try to spread them out instead of having everyone come at the same time, which may be too tiring.
• Schedule activities (meals, gift-exchanges) during the best time of the day for the care recipient; this is especially important for those who exhibit that late afternoon or evening behaviors referred to as “sundowning.”
• Send Christmas cards to family and friends signed by (or for) your loved one; hopefully, they will reciprocate!
• If the person you care for is still able to transfer to a car (albeit difficult) ask for assistance and ride around town, viewing the lovely Christmas light displays.
• Do not let the prospect of no Christmas future keep you from reminiscing about Christmas past and enjoying Christmas present.
• If needed, give the gift of forgiveness; and if your loved one holds any grudges, encourage him to let them go.
• Invite your pastor to your home for a family “Christmas service” including communion if desired.
• Nursing facilities usually celebrate Christmas with special activities. If your family member resides in one, check the schedule so you can participate. Plan to visit often during this special season. (It used to break my heart to see residents who were alone at Christmas.)

Enjoy this Christmas with those near and dear. In reality, none of us know when we will celebrate our last Christmas. So all you Scrooges out there, put on the Christmas spirit!