Remember the late Aretha Franklin’s acclaimed hit – RESPECT? I invite all caregivers out there to sing these words to that tune:

R-E-S-P-I-T-E, yes, that’s what I really need.

R-E-S-P-I-T-E, just some time for me.

Oh (sock it to me x 4), a little respite (sock it to me x 4)

Oh, yes (just a little bit)

A little respite (just a little bit)

I get tired (just a little bit)

Keep on trying (just a little bit)

Still I need some time for me (just a little bit)

That is just what I need (just a little bit)

Re, re, re, re ‘spite!

Okay, so my words may not quite fit the beat, but the sentiment is precise.

Caregiving, for many, is a twenty-four/seven duty. Imagine working three shifts every day, with no weekends or holidays off. In reality, that is the lifestyle of many family caregivers. Yet, everyone needs a break from her usual duties and routine. Respite careprovides a short-term reprieve, and should be considered a necessity.

According to the Center for Disease Control, caregivers often pay a great toll for their labor of love. Thirty-five percent of caregivers report having difficulty finding time for themselves; almost one-third experience emotional and physical stress as a result of fulfilling their role. Over half believe their own health has deteriorated to the extent it has affected their ability to provide care.

A recent survey conducted by the Commonwealth Fund, a private foundation whose purpose is to promote a more effective health care system, revealed that sixty percent of family caregivers age 19-64 reported fair or poor health, one or more chronic conditions, or a disability, compared with only thirty-three percent of non-caregivers.

Most caregivers I know choose their role and take joy in being able to care for their loved ones. This does not prohibit them from growing weary physically or emotionally. For various reasons – such as lack of resources, the inability to “let go,” or believing no one else can provide the same level of care – some caregivers do not ask for the respite they need. This may be especially true when the person cared for is a spouse, but even in this situation, a full-time caregiver needs time off. Other caregivers ask for help but do not receive it. Both of these situations are unfortunate, because consistent respite care can not only sustain caregiver health and well-being, but may decrease incidences of abuse and neglect and prevent institutional placement for the family member.

Where can caregivers turn for help? The first and best option is usually other family members or friends. NOTE: If you are not a caregiver, but have a family member or friend who is, please be sensitive to their needs. You do not have to wait to be asked; offer your services. If you are asked, be generous with your time.

A few churches and some organizations provide volunteer companionship programs. Consider a co-op arrangement where you share duties with another caregiver. When finances are not an issue, check out agencies in your area that provide assistance for a fee. Other options include adult day-care programs and facility respite care programs (usually for a longer term).

It may be helpful to develop a respite care schedule following these guidelines:

• Every day take at least one hour for yourself. Read, work in the yard, bake, sew – whatever takes you away and helps you relax.
• Each week have a “night on the town.” Go with your spouse or a friend (or alone if you prefer) to a concert, play, shopping, out to eat, bowling, or a support group. Choose an activity that makes you smile when you think about it.
• Once a month, plan to be off duty for a whole day – twenty-four hours. Just imagine the possibilities!
• Every year, plan a vacation of at least several days. You do not have to travel far in distance, but select a setting that will rejuvenate your body and spirit.

R-E-S-P-I-T-E, yes, that’s what caregivers really need…sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me!