Yesterday after church, a bunch of our family went out for lunch. I can only imagine how the servers feel when they see our group of eight adults and fifteen children.

As the adults attempted conversation amidst the sea of children’s chatter, I mentioned that my dream job would be a political commentator. My husband responded, “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be a common tater, too.”

Of course, he knew quite well what I said. He likes to make people laugh…and I do believe he sometimes enjoys being mildly annoying.

That little story brings me to my subject – communicating with those for whom we provide care. My personal pet peeves in this area can be summed up in this statement: Do not be condescending, do not use baby talk, and do not call someone by a pet name unless the relationship warrants it.

Being able to express ourselves and being understood are normal human longings. Successful communication in a caregiving relationship will enhance the experience for both parties and may help to alleviate difficult situations. Here are some basic guidelines:

• Remember that listening is the heart of effective communication. This will undoubtedly require patience (even to the point of being long-suffering), but our loved ones deserve to be heard. Refrain from interrupting or finishing sentences. However, if you notice a struggle to find a word or finish a thought, a gentle prompting may be helpful. Provide appropriate responses to any questions or concerns.
• Before beginning a conversation, make sure you have the person’s full attention. Call the person by name and make eye contact. Some people like to reach out with a gentle touch to the hand or shoulder before speaking – just make sure this action will not startle the person.
• Speak clearly and slowly, especially when hearing loss or dementia is present. Do not raise the volume of your voice unnecessarily. Make sure your tone matches the message you want to convey. Avoid excessive or distracting background noises.
• Keep the conversation simple. Ask only one question at a time. Do not use words or phrases that may be confusing. For instance, some idioms may by troubling for a person with cognitive impairments. It may be better to say, “We got several inches of rain last night,” rather than, “It was raining cats and dogs.”
• Remember, regardless of physical and mental conditions, an adult should be spoken to as an adult. Do not babble or use nonsensical gibberish. Would you want someone to talk to you as if you were a baby?
• Do not carry on conversations with others in the presence of your loved one as if he were not there. If the person is able, questions should be directed to him. Instead of asking the caregiver, “How is Joe?” a visitor should say, “Hi, Joe, how are you feeling today?”
• Nonverbal communication is an equally important part of the process. I learned this so well from my patients in long-term care who could easily identify if I was in a hurry or stressed. Elderly folk are quite capable of identifying body language, and expressions of indifference or exasperation speak loudly and clearly to them.
• Engage in conversations frequently. Fill your chats with love, encouragement, and as my husband would suggest, add a little humor.

CARING QUOTE: Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:6 NLT