Question: I’m trying to take care of my mom at her house. She is recovering from a broken hip and can’t do much. The house is so cluttered it drives me crazy. I have offered to de-clutter but she likes everything the way it is. What can I do?

Answer: There is probably not much you can do to change your mom’s mind. You can appeal to her to make modifications for the sake of safety or comfort, but do not expect her to jump on the neat-nick wagon, since she seems fine with the one she’s on. It’s familiar. It holds memories. And it works for her.

That’s probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but I’m a strong believer in the rights of the elderly to make their own lifestyle choices – as long as they are mentally competent and their decision will cause no harm.

However, I feel your “stuff fatigue” – a phrase I coined while we were going through my in-laws’ belongings after my father-in-law passed away last summer. At least, I thought I had coined the phrase until I “googled” it. Seems as if thousands of others also suffer with this malady resulting from being overcome by too much stuff. As you noted, disorderly surroundings can have a detrimental effect on your mental state. According to a recent study by researchers at UCLA, women’s stress hormones spiked during the time they spent dealing with physical clutter. The result is overloaded senses that make you feel stressed and impairs your ability to think.

Neuroscientists at Princeton University looked at people’s task performance in an organized versus disorganized environment. The results showed that physical clutter in your surroundings competes for your attention, resulting in decreased performance and increased stress.

So, you definitely have grounds for seeking some compromise from your mom and offering simple solutions to begin the process from chaos to order. Encourage your mom to make small changes that will have a positive effect on the overall atmosphere of her home. Make this enjoyable.

You may suggest rearranging furniture to create better traffic patterns, and in the process remove superfluous items. Redecorating with a luxury bedspread and sleek window blinds may be just the motivation your mom needs to allow you to move everything out of the bedroom and start over with a clean slate that can be transformed into a cozy, restful retreat.

Ask permission to remove outdated items from the medicine cabinet, pantry and freezer; and trash anything that is broken beyond repair (whether an assortment of non-working ball point pens or a thirty-year-old microwave sitting on the counter even though a modern one has been installed above the range).

Go through old photos, greeting cards and letters. Neither you nor your mom will probably want to let go of these, so purchase some lovely decorative boxes to store them in an orderly fashion. This would be a good time to suggest that your mother separate any personal documents (old love letters, dairies, journals etc.) that she chooses to keep private.

Do be sensitive to your mom’s emotional needs. Once she begins the process and goes through “stuff” withdrawal, she may decide to continue to pursue more orderly and peaceful surroundings that will be pleasant for both of you.

Caring Quote: “There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” ― G.K. Chesterton