A benefit of writing this column has been the opportunity to meet a myriad of family caregivers who serve in diverse situations. Although none of them would have chosen the circumstances that require their loved one to have a caregiver, almost all of them have accepted their roles with grace. Yet, even those who have “the gift” seem to instinctively understand that as a caregiver, they will have definite needs that might not be easily met.

If you are a caregiver, I invite you to steal a few minutes from your busy schedule, sit down with a cup of tea or coffee, take a pen and notepad, and before reading the remainder of this column, list the three greatest needs in your life at this time. These can be emotional or physical needs; ongoing or one-time special needs.

I have been doing some “un-scientific” research, asking wives who care for their husbands, husbands who care for their wives, and adult children who care for their parents (or other family members) what they considered their greatest needs. Following are the answers I received most often.

1. Emotional support. Every caregiver needs someone in whom they can confide their day-to-day struggles. Even those who love being a caregiver often feel sad or lonely or overwhelmed. They need encouragement; not criticism. They need someone to listen, and if warranted, to provide feedback. Sometimes they need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, or a good laugh. Support groups are beneficial; but having someone you can call whenever you need to pour out your heart is a true blessing.
2. Assistance with time-consuming tasks. Almost every family seems to have a “designated caregiver” – the one with “the gift” who undertakes the primary responsibility. If providing personal care is not the expertise of a family member – and it is not for everyone – he or she should contribute time and energy in other ways – cooking, cleaning, laundry, lawn-care, or interior and exterior maintenance and upkeep. When another person provides these services, the caregiver is able to devote more of her time and energy to exceptional personal care. It will also enable her to get more rest, which will help to prevent exhaustion, depression or burnout.
3. Appreciation. I have never met a caregiver whose ambition was to receive recognition for his caregiving abilities; but caregivers are only human and many long to hear someone say, “You’re doing a great job taking care of Mom…or Dad…or Uncle Fred.” Unfortunately, many care-receivers are unable to provide the gratitude they would if they could, so other family members need to speak and act on their behalf.

Caregivers, take a minute to refer back to your list. Are your needs similar to those expressed by others? Determine to share your needs with those around you; do not expect friends and family members to read your mind. If you are not a caregiver but know someone who is, take this opportunity to jot down three ways you can help meet a caregiver’s needs and be sure to follow up with actions.