The first time I experienced the relaxing qualities of a facial (a beauty treatment for the face), it was actually rather unnerving.  Randy had discovered a good deal on one through a Groupon – and though I had never mentioned the desire to have a facial, he thought I would like it. So, he surprised me. My initial question was, “Do you think I need it?” He explained that wasn’t his motive – that he thought I would enjoy the pampering aspect. Truth to tell, I don’t mind being pampered now and then.

He drove me to the location – a small second-floor walk-up salon in a neighborhood undergoing a Bohemian rehabilitation. My first impression was that it reminded me of the salon where Della went to have her hair cut off in The Gift of the Magi. The scanty, triangular-shaped landing led to three doors, each with a frosted glass upper window. I chose the one with the painted-on sign, “Facials by Desdamona.” (Not the real name, but close.) 

The old wooden door squeaked loudly, but the new-age music emitting from the large one and one-half room salon prevailed.  While wondering if Randy had actually checked this place out, I demurely stepped onto the vividly colored round Persian rug covering all but the perimeter of the worn wooden floors. A hefty four poster bed with a dramatic velvet canopy and side curtains dominated the middle of the room. The furnishings were sparse but elaborate – a carved side table, two lamps with audaciously bejeweled shades, a small wooden stool with embroidered seat and colorful fringe hanging almost to the floor. Beyond the bed was the half-room with a curtained doorway and a small window facing the street, darkening shade pulled. It was creepy.

“Aha, you must be Mrs. Johnson!” greeted Desdemona. “Please, change into the lounging robe and make yourself comfortable,” she invited as she motioned toward the “dressing room.”

“I…I thought this was just a facial,” I muttered, revealing my inexperience with this sort of thing.

“Oh, yes, yes, just a facial but I want you to be comfortable,” she enthused as she gently reached for my hand and led me around the bed. “There you go,” she assured as she pulled back the lace curtain. 

I removed my slacks and sweater but not my undies (surely she didn’t intend me to do that). The soft flowing robe was luxurious, and roomy. I wrapped myself in it and opened the curtain.

She had pulled back the velvet comforter. “Here you go,” she encouraged as she assisted me into the bed. “Comfortable, yes?” she quizzed, assuming that of course I would be.

“Uh-huh,” I muttered, still thinking of ways to repay my husband for this lovely present.

Okay, first impressions were wrong. The facial was remarkable. When she put the hot towel on my face, she hurried to the other end of the bed (which, by the way did not have a head or foot board to provide access for Desdemona), uncovered my feet and proceeded to massage them vigorously until the towel cooled. Randy must have known about this part of the “facial” because he knows that foot massages are just about my most favorite thing in the world.

My anxieties melted away and I was delightfully relaxed.  The only problem I encountered was trying to walk down the stairs afterwards without swaying from being so unwound. 

Fast forward a few years. Granddaughter Geilia is attending cosmetology college and for Christmas presented me with a coupon for an in-home facial. (Yeah! No creepy surroundings.)

She came over one morning last week. I stretched out in my recliner and Geilia proceeded to invoke the same relaxed sensation I had experienced with my first facial. I think I will be calling on Geilia frequently. 

As I luxuriated in the soothing balms and hot towel treatments, I began to think about the blog.

Respite is a word that appears often in information for caregivers. As I reclined in the chair, almost falling to sleep, another “R” word came to mind – relax.

While respite is a noun defining a short period of rest or relief from something difficult, relax is a verb that indicates the ability to make or become less tense or anxious. It is quite possible to relax while participating in an activity – as long as that activity is enjoyable.  To relax is to unwind, let up, slow down, be at leisure, or kick back! Doesn’t that sound lovely? Respite and relax are both key words for caregivers as they learn the importance of taking care of themselves.

Note, I use the word “learn.” Relaxation is not just a frame of mind you can assume; it is a skill to be learned. Fortunately, you can learn to relax right in the middle of your everyday duties as a caregiver; you do not even have to leave the house.  Think about what makes you feel relaxed. Next week we will discuss some of these activities and consider ways to achieve that goal.