Sometimes we divide people into characteristic categories – early risers/night owls; glass half-full people (optimists)/glass half-empty people (pessimists); those who stay on a job until they get tired/those who work till the job is done, etc.  Today I was looking for a recipe for toasted coconut (I know, you toast the coconut – but I was seeking the easiest method; and in the oven worked great). 

The on-line cook presenting the recipe noted there are two kinds of people in the world: those who love coconut and those who don’t. So, there are all sorts of designated groups out there.

Some people try to categorize humankind by race, but I really like the stand Ken Ham (Founder of Answers in Genesis) takes concerning race. “God created mankind – Adam and Eve – and everyone since then belongs to the same race – the human race.” In fact, for years, when I have been asked to identify my race, I use the “other” blank and write in “human.” The response has always been positive.

Unfortunately, on many forms I have been given to fill out over the past few years – especially having to do with health care – I am asked to identify my gender group – and the list of possible answers is often ridiculous. But that’s an easy one. I am a female and I can provide definitive proof if need be. God was very precise on this one – He made them male and female. How do people get so mixed up?

Do not fret; I am not going political today. Just a few thoughts to warm you up.

The topic I want to discuss is actually “categories from a caregiving point of view.” Former first lady Rosalynn Carter has since her years in the White House been an advocate for numerous causes, including caregiving. In 1987 she established the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving at Georgia Southwestern State University, her alma mater in Americus, Georgia. Her stated purpose is to address caregiving in America and internationally. Specifically, the institute focuses on both family and professional caregivers for individuals living with chronic illness and disabilities, limitations related to aging and other health care concerns across the lifespan.

One of her well-known quotes relating to caregiving is: There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.

As I was considering this quote one day, this designation of caregivers to mind:

• Those who have the gift of caregiving
• Those who do not have the caregiving gift but can learn
• Those who should never, ever be a caregiver.

Does that last category surprise you? I am serious. Caregiving is a consequential position. Some people make great caregivers; some do okay; some are terrible. I have known and worked with all three types.

I truly believe some people have been given the natural gift of caregiving. They love people and have a servant’s heart. They exude empathy. They are gentle and kind. Throughout their lives they enjoy taking care of and nurturing people. Little girls tenderly nurse their dolls and stuffed animals back to health. When playing with friends and one falls and scrapes a knee, they are the ones who run to the rescue. Many of these people grow up with a desire to work in health care. They are often the first one to volunteer within the family when a caregiver is needed. If I ever need a caregiver, I pray I will have one with the gift. 

Then there are those who do not have the natural gift, but because they find themselves in a place where their caregiving services are needed – and no other family member is available – they step up, learn all they can about the process and provide adequate care to their recipient. They are kind and would never do harm, but they often have to pray for patience. I worked with a lot of these people in long-term care. Being a nurse or nursing assistant had not been their goal in life, but they needed a job and went in that direction. Unlike those with the gift, who loved coming to work every day, they did it because they had to; but still, they did it well.

The last category – those who should never, ever be a caregiver – though not as numerous, still has far too many constituents. I have seen a few in family caregiving situations. It is sad, because usually there is no other family member available. This often results in a situation where both caregiver and recipient are miserable. The worse situation I have ever known about personally was a husband who just could not handle the responsibility of caring for his bedridden wife; in the end, he shot his wife and then turned the gun on himself. What an awful, awful, tragedy. 

Professionally, I have worked with far too many of those in this category. One is too many. Unkind. No empathy. They were the ones who as kids would laugh at the child who fell and scraped his knee. They have no real concern whatsoever for the welfare of the recipient, only a need for a paycheck. You have probably read news stories about abusive “health-care” workers in long term care. They have even been caught on surveillance cameras physically or verbally assaulting a resident.

Whether you are designating a family member for the position, or placing your loved one in a nursing facility, realize that not every person should serve in the role of caregiver. Use discernment and choose carefully. Your loved one will be the beneficiary.