It was Christmas Eve 1972. Randy and I had just become engaged. We had met in Brooklyn, New York after we had both left college to serve a one-year internship at Teen Challenge, a Christian drug rehabilitation center.  Our work was mainly with children who lived in one of the worst inner-city neighborhoods in the Bronx. In fact, just a few years after we left, the whole area where we worked was razed and rebuilt. 

That cold December day, Randy had received a letter from relatives in Oklahoma. They enclosed a generous sum of money and asked him to purchase Christmas presents for the neediest children he knew in the South Bronx. He asked for my assistance. If you had grown up in North Carolina and Oklahoma, respectively, and was now living in New York City, where would you go to buy Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve?

So, we took the F Train to Herald Square to shop at Macy’s. The decorations were stunning; the weather was frosty; the fragrance of roasted chestnuts was in the air; streets were crowded; the massive multi-floor department store even more so. It was chaos. Somehow, we fulfilled our mission, motivated by the thought of little children who otherwise would have few or no presents to open Christmas morning.

However, I purposed in my heart that night to never go shopping on Christmas Eve again. My philosophy became, “If it has not been purchased before Christmas Eve, it (no matter what it was) could wait until after Christmas.”  

Through the years, I may have given in a few times, but for the most part I have kept that promise to myself. With each passing year, I have also come to realize that the focus of Christmas should not be giving or receiving gifts.

This does not at all mean that I am anti-presents; absolutely not!  I love to give presents to family, friends, and those who would otherwise go without. I also love receiving presents; but at some point, gift-giving can become overwhelming if we do not do it thoughtfully.

Having said that, my goal is to give useful – as opposed to frivolous – presents that will be a blessing. In other words, I stay away from stuff that will be covered with dust by New Year’s and forgotten soon after. I was in a big box store the other day and noticed the staff had cleared out a large area and was replacing the stock with all of those “special” Christmas gifts – the prepackaged items you never see except during December; the stuff almost no one really needs and all of us could do without. Sometimes they are referred to as “the perfect gift for the person who has everything.” Which begs the question, “Why buy a gift for someone who already has everything?” 

Caregivers are often asked for gift suggestions for their recipients, and if you are not prepared with at least a short list of possibilities, your loved one may end up with unneeded items instead of something they could put to good use. I believe people want to give appropriate gifts and appreciate receiving ideas that help them make great choices. My motto this year (even for my own gift list) is “services, not stuff.” For the past few months, I have been purging my drawers, closets, and attic; the last thing I need is more stuff. On the other hand, I have a few home improvement projects dancing around my brain for next year and I would love some commitments to help! Gift certificates for manicures/pedicures are also appreciated. Of course, drawings from the grandchildren are priceless and always welcome.

All gifts (whether actually needed or wanted) should be appreciated by the recipient. I tend to think gift-givers would much prefer giving something that has value to the recipient. Here are some ideas for presents that are appropriate and would be welcomed by seniors.

Gifts you can’t wrap:

• “Coupons” for services to be provided by giver – anything from painting the kitchen to mulching the flower beds in the spring
• Gift certificates for services such as beauty/barber shop, nail salon etc.
• Gift cards for grocery stores, pharmacies, or a favorite department store
• Monthly payments for a medical alert system
• Invitation for a meal out (or during this pandemic, take-out for a meal at home)
• Specialty foods that the recipient would enjoy but not usually purchase for themselves

If the giver feels it is not really a gift if you can’t put it in a box, consider useful but special or consumable items:

• “luxury” linens that provide comfort
• Cozy clothing items
• Toiletries and skin care products
• Family photo album

If family members want to go in on big-ticket items, consider what is needed. It may be a humidifier, a new appliance to replace a worn/broken one, or a real treat such as a wall-hung towel warmer. 

As caregiver, you know better than anyone what your loved one really needs. Be creative and think of something that would make life a little easier for both of you such as such as battery-operated lights to put inside dark cabinets/closets; grab bars; or a self-closing toilet seat. 

From what I have observed through the years while caring for the sick and elderly, the most important gifts you can give are your time and love. But a well-considered present wrapped in pretty paper and tied with ribbon will also bring joy to your recipient’s heart.