The other evening, I was watching “Escape to the Country” on DABL, a free station picked up by our simple television antenna. In my opinion, there are not too many shows worth my time, but I find this one informative, interesting, pleasurable and relaxing all at the same time. The premise is that a city family is seeking a new home in a rural area of England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Island. The host takes them on a tour of three houses and throws in visits to cultural and historic sites as well. Since I have always been slightly enamored with Great Britain, I have found much to like about this program.

On this particular show, a family was seeking a home where three generations could live comfortably together. To me, this is a jolly good idea that provides financial and other benefits. I have often wondered why more Americans do not choose multi-generational living, defined as including two or more adult generations or including grandparents and grandchildren younger than age twenty-five. In the 1950’s almost 21% percent of all households fit this category. The number dipped to 12% in 1980 and has now rebounded to at least 20%. When the new census is analyzed, it will probably be higher. The difference is that in the ‘50’s, it was usually grandma and grandpa living with the parents and kids. Today the situation is more likely to consist of middle-aged parents with adult children age 25 and older.

Changes in lifestyle – such as a decrease in the number of family farms and the creation of Social Security – helped influence the more independent housing arrangements that most families in our country adopted in the twentieth century. In recent years and for various reasons, multi-generational households are once again trending, but still in the minority. Today in America, over 57 million people or about 18% of the population live in a housing unit with three or more generations (what the U.S. Census Bureau defines as a multi-generational household). The two most common types are those headed by grandparents that include children and grandchildren, and those headed by the middle generation that include their parents and their children.

Several factors play a role in these living arrangements: the economy, the trend of postponing marriage, and ethnicity (the culture of some groups heartily supports this way of life). For instance, almost 30% of Asians adopt this lifestyle, compared to 27% for Hispanics, 26% for blacks and 17% for whites. Other influences include health issues, especially those concerning longer life expectancy that is often accompanied by chronic illness and the need for a caregiver. 

While watching the show, I recalled the time when our family prepared to move back to North Carolina from Brooklyn, New York to take care of my dad when he developed dementia and could no longer live by himself. The house was already there; we would be moving in with Daddy. I had high expectations. My parents had deeded their house to me years earlier, and Randy and I were prepared to fix it up. We had been living in a hundred-year old church basement for several years (that flooded every time there was a nor’easter), so I thought the transition would be easy. 

My second misconception was that Daddy would be thrilled to have his youngest daughter, her husband and three of their children (ages 10, 17, and 24) share his home. While he certainly appeared happy to see us, he seemed confused and a little put out that we were actually living with him. 

Looking back now, it seems trivial, but one of the most difficult situations I had to deal with was Daddy’s habit of brushing his teeth at the kitchen sink. From his point of view, the pedestal sink in his bathroom did not provide a safe place for him to take care of and store his dentures. I found a small round table that fit perfectly beside the sink and also provided the needed space; thankfully, that problem was solved. The awkward stage of our new living arrangement was short-lived, and we truly began to enjoy each other. 

That was twenty-one years ago, and since then Randy and I have experienced what it is like to once again live in a multi-generational household, albeit only temporary. In turn, each of our children and their families have moved in for a while they were in transition. The length of their stays ranged from a few weeks to almost two years. I loved those times…Randy tolerated them. I guess that’s expected with his being a self-described hermit crab while he designates me as a social butterfly. What could be better than having an adorable two-year old calling, “Gammy, Gammy” from the top of the stairs….or listening to the squeals and laughter of the children as they spend quality family time with their parents…or preparing a meal with a daughter…or sharing an intellectually stimulating conversation with my son or one of my sons-in-law? 

Multi-generational living may not be for everyone, but in some cases, it can be a very workable – even ideal – situation.

Next week we will look at some of the rewards and potential conflicts involved when grandparents, parents and children share a household, as well as helpful suggestions to ensure a pleasant experience for every member of a multi-generational family. 

Caring tip:  Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we’ve put it in an impossible situation. – Margaret Mead (1901-1978)