Two weeks ago I shared some ideas for helping a care recipient dealing with depression. Last week I wanted to recognize Valentine’s Day – a special time to give and receive love. As I spent some quality time with caregivers, I realized that depression is probably more prevalent for them than for their recipients. One caregiver noted, “He (the person for whom she cares) has no cares; I do everything for him. He is oblivious to the struggles, the worries about finances, even the lack of sleep. How do I deal with my depression?”

When I checked out statistics regarding caregivers and depression, I discovered that a lot of research has been done on this topic. Results vary, but even a conservative estimate is that about twenty percent of caregivers (twice the rate of the general population) experience bouts of depression. Some numbers were as high as sixty percent! A figure that surprised me even more was that forty percent of former caregivers of a spouse with Alzheimer’s or another dementia continued to suffer with mild to severe depression up to three years after their spouse’s death. Clearly, this is an issue that caregivers need to know about. 

Symptoms associated with depression in caregivers is similar to those experienced by recipients, including loss of interest in other areas of your life that once brought you pleasure; changes in eating and sleeping habits; becoming easily agitated; low energy level; feeling like a failure; and even physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain.

It is important to recognize that caregiving is often a demanding role, and while most caregivers do not develop long-term depression, the toll on one’s physical and emotional energy that caregiving extracts may result in feelings commonly associated with depression. All caregivers have their moments…or hours…or days. If symptoms last for week and worsen, it is imperative to make an appointment with your health care provider.  

My goal for today is to provide some ideas to help you avoid falling into the slough of despond. They are eclectic and in no specific order. If one or more of them strikes a chord with you, I encourage you to incorporate it into your routine. As you read them, you may consider that it seems impossible to squeeze these strategies to combat depression into your daily schedule. On the other hand, maybe you need to rethink your itinerary to include these measures. Wise and careful planning can often add hours to your day, while continuing to plod on a woeful road without intervention can lead to a breakdown in your role as a caregiver. 

• Set your alarm so you can get up at least thirty minutes before your recipient. Having that get-up-and-go half hour to yourself should be an incentive to aid your loved one in developing a pattern of waking up at the same time every morning. Sure – there are a lot of things to consider – but a consistent sleep schedule contributes to overall good health and should be encouraged for both you and your recipient. 

Use these precious moments to have devotions, shower, and groom. I like the idea of attiring yourself as if you were going to be seen in public. In other words, not going around the house unkempt. This will lift your spirits and probably your recipient’s as well. It is important to set these priorities as you prepare for your day. If you put them off,  you may not get the chance to do them later.

• Decide to have a good day. Adjusting your attitude is often much easier than adjusting your schedule. Go with the flow. The quote, “Don’t sweat the small stuff…it’s all small stuff,” is a good motto. We cannot control the various difficulties we may face throughout any given day, but we can control how we react.

• Do your best to keep your home uncluttered and tidy. This philosophy blew over from Japan several years ago and is still going strong – and it is a good one. Even before Marie Kondo began her tidying empire, research had substantiated that household clutter and disorder was one of the most prominent stressors, especially for women. Initially (depending on how deep your clutter is) achieving a well ordered home may be an arduous chore. However, if you are determined, you can have victory over stuff, and the results will be life-changing. Just imagine what it would be like to have a place for everything you really need, to get rid of all the stuff you don’t, and to have the common sense to know the difference. If you are not yet ready for complete order, at least accomplish these tasks: make your bed every morning; don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink; and make sure there is a safe exit in case of fire. (Yes, I am sort of kidding about that last one – but I have been in caregiving homes where this is questionable.)

• Expect help from other family members and ask for it when needed. If there is more than one member of a family, then there should be more than one person providing the care and all associated tasks. Not every one has the caregiving gift, but everyone should have something to offer when it comes to providing for family members who can no longer provide for themselves.  Voting for a socialist doesn’t count. Hands on. Hearts opens. Help provided.

• Remind yourself daily that you are a caregiver, but not solely a caregiver. You may also be a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a friend…tend to these relationships as well. Do not feel guilty when you have a chance to develop your social life. Take advantage of opportunities to do something that will make you smile or laugh or both. You may want to take a class or attend a support group that will help you to be a better caregiver, but do not limit your pursuits to this one area. Try something new you have always wanted to do, such as joining a exercise class or learning to play an instrument. Stretching your sense of purpose to include long-held dreams will allow your spirit to soar. When possible, say “yes” to weekend trips or even a week-long vacation. All of these activities will help you to avoid gloom and despair and embrace joy.

• Be thankful for the opportunity you have to serve someone who has no doubt served you. Ralph Waldo Emerson asserted: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” When you look at caregiving as a blessing – and not a burden – you are already on your way to maintaining a state of mind that will carry you through the common struggles of caregiving. 

• From my personal experience, I know that prayer, reading the Bible, and fellowship with other believers provide a tremendous boost to my overall emotional and spiritual well-being. I have this scripture – printed in a large font – on my frig: “Encourage the exhausted and strengthen the feeble; say to those with anxious heart, take courage, fear not.’”  Isaiah 35:3-4 (NAS)

In A. W. Tozer’s Renewed Day by Day, he writes: “Is it possible to be a true Christian and still suffer in the doldrums of discouragement?…Frankly I cannot assure you whether Christians should know discouragement or not: I can only tell you that they all do!”

There is no question that Christians are not immune from depression, but I am so thankful that we have a place of refuge in our Heavenly Father.  When we seek Him and His wisdom to guide us on our caregiving journey, I believe we can live through and overcome those times when our hearts are heavy, our bodies are weary and our emotions are strained.