Are you meeting you loved one’s needs?
During the short period of my life when I needed a caregiver (after my bilateral knee replacement), I realized that, for me, caregiving is much preferable to care receiving. Having to depend on someone else to meet my most basic needs was distressing, even though my caregivers (husband and children) were very adept, especially my daughter Amy who is a registered nurse. I admit to being a terrible patient (and I am sure they would confirm this). I was irritable, impatient and prone to crying spells. Of course, I blamed all of this on the narcotic pain relievers that had been prescribed, which probably did contribute to my state of mind. I make this confession for the purpose of reminding caregivers that their most important duty is to look at the situation from their loved one’s point of view. The empathic caregiver will try to understand – not be critical of – the recipient’s actions and provide appropriate emotional support.
I can only imagine how someone who has received a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s or Lou Gehrig’s disease – or any chronic or life-threatening disease – views his or her future. Grief is a natural response and the caregiver’s heart must be open to share these feelings and to listen and respond with love and encouragement.
A healthy emotional connection, with kindness as the guiding dynamic, sets the stage for meeting the other essential needs of your recipient.
Assisting with activities of daily living is generally regarded as a main role of a caregiver. Learning all you can about your loved one’s illness will help you better fulfill this responsibility. Provide the best physical care possible. Prepare meals that are healthy and enjoyable. Encourage appropriate activity and social interaction. Make good hygiene a priority. If at all possible, get your loved one out of bed and dress her in clean, comfortable clothes so she will be visitor-ready when a friend or neighbor drops by (and by all means, if your loved one is homebound, do encourage visitors!).
It is important for the recipient to feel safe and secure. This may mean taking an action as simple as rearranging furniture, to something more complicated such as installing grab bars in the bathroom. The goal is to support safety and independence.
Maintaining dignity is another vital need. I loathed those appalling “open-down the back” gowns in the hospital. Do take care to maintain modesty by allowing private bathroom visits (if safe) or being discreet when providing incontinence care. Never speak to your recipient as if he were a child and avoid words that may embarrass such as “diaper” – just call it underwear. If a visitor asks you, “How is your mom doing?” reply with, “Why don’t you ask her?” and allow her to respond. When appropriate, let you loved one be a part of the decision-making process.
While you may view meeting physical needs as your most essential role – and they are important – always remember that humans do better physically when their emotional needs are also being met. Spend time together enjoying each other, sharing memories or making each other laugh. Greet each new morning with a smile and end each day with a hug.
Caring Quote: “The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.” – Carson McCullers