Q:I had the opportunity to retire last year at the age of 55. I’m in good health, as is my husband who still works full-time. His 80-year old father has many chronic health problems and recently had to have his left leg amputated  He is in a rehab facility but will be released soon. Even before his surgery, he stayed in bed most of the time and is considered total-care. My husband and I have agreed to have him live with us. I really want to take care of him but I’m having second thoughts because I’m not sure I’m qualified. I’d appreciate any advice.

Answer:First of all, let me congratulate your husband for having such an considerate wife. I applaud your decision to invite your father-in-law into your home.  What a beautiful expression of your love and concern. Your apprehension is to be expected; this is indeed a major decision that will dramatically affect your life. Let me encourage you to go ahead and give it a try. If it doesn’t work out, there are alternatives. However, you just may discover that you have chosen the most-rewarding (though not the easiest) path.

Your first step should be to discuss a plan of care with your father-in-law’s main health care provider. He can also advise you concerning in-home services and medical equipment that is available.

Now, let’s look at your qualifications. You state that you are healthy. That’s a good start. Obviously, you are willing to give of yourself and have a compassionate heart – two more great credentials. What else do you need? Patience, flexibility, and a sense of humor will come in handy. Don’t worry that you don’t yet know all the fundamentals of caregiving – you will learn. There are many resources available. You can Google almost any topic – from how to give a bed bath to how to maintain skin integrity – and you will have an abundance of information at your fingertips.  Most communities have at least one organization that provides instruction and assistance for in-home caregivers.  Some offer seminars or other educational opportunities. Books are readily available that not only inform, but also encourage.  Another important consideration is knowing how to take care of yourself – but that’s another column.

Your family is about to begin a new journey. Fill it with love, patience and laughter, and it will be a fulfilling one. I wish you well.