Q: Recently at a musical theatre performance we had a patron who made audible – what sounded like groans – sounds repeatedly during the entire show. The noises could be heard throughout the theatre – audience, stage and pit. I posted on Facebook asking what some of my theatre people would have done. One person accused me of intolerance and another implied than I am a bigot.

Although it did not affect my performance, some of the other actors were distracted, and several audience members left quite upset. As a house manager, I would have asked (but would not have enjoyed doing so) the caregiver responsible for the person making the noises to leave. I think it is inappropriate at a ballet, chamber orchestra, symphony or play to ask a patron to endure extreme distractions like cell phones, texting, crinkling paper, rattling ice, talking, continual getting up and down, a crying child or other repeated audible noises. I feel, unfortunately, there are some activities that are just not appropriate for everyone to attend. Please help me; I feel insulted, especially being labeled a bigot. I would be interested in what you and other caregivers think of this problem.

A: First, let’s define bigot: someone who has or reveals an obstinate belief in the superiority of one’s own opinions and a prejudiced intolerance of the opinions of others.

The fact that you were open to others’ opinions about this dilemma disqualifies you from the bigot label. Sadly, this term is often used to shame people into silence, when a compassionate discussion would be more productive.

Of course, there are two sides to this issue. People who require caregivers because of physical or mental problems should be welcome in most public settings and should not be considered a nuisance. On the other hand, patrons of the various performing arts you mentioned should be able to enjoy these without unnecessary disruptions.

As you noted, it is not just people who require caregivers that are responsible for distractions. This past summer two of my granddaughters performed in Pathway to Freedom at the outdoor theater in Snow Camp, North Carolinaand I had the privilege of serving as their chaperone at several of the performances. One night a group of adults arrived a few minutes late and entered the theater laughing raucously just as the play had begun. Even some of the actors were distracted. Later, as I was sitting on the edge of my seat during one of the most dramatic moments of the drama, two children (I would guess ages 7 and 9) started running up and down the steep steps surrounding the audience. Where were their parents? That same night, a lovely group of residents from a nearby long-term care facility sat nearby, perfectly quiet except for appropriate applause.

As caregivers, common sense and respect for others will help you determine whether or not a particular event is appropriate for you and your loved one. We must balance the needs and wishes of those we care for with the rights of patrons to enjoy a performance. I agree that a person in charge should have intervened, possibly with an appropriate question such as, “Could I help you?” or “Is there something wrong?”

This should be enough of a cue for the caregiver to remedy the situation.