Comment: Thank you for the information about the “fragrance of aging” (see “Old people smell”) that I have noticed in the homes of elderly friends, but can’t remember ever reading about. I want to add something I do to overcome this telltale odor. I make sure that my mother has a light cologne with a lovely fragrance and dab it behind her ears and on her wrists every morning after her shower. Visitors are always commenting that she smells so nice.

Reply: Great idea – thanks for sharing! You reminded me that my dad had a favorite aftershave he would splash on his neck and face (and sometimes his bald head) every morning. I continued the practice when he was no longer able to shave himself. Do remember that some elderly folk may have aversions to strong scents, or even allergies, so use prudently. And, of course, as you indicated, fragrances are meant to enhance the scent of clean skin and not cover-up a lack of good hygiene.

Q. Why does my mom’s doctor schedule an appointment for her at 11o’clock, then expect us to be there at 10:45? Tiny print at the bottom of the appointment card reads, “please arrive 15 minutes before the scheduled time.” My days are hectic, to say the least. If the appointment card says “11” that’s the time that sticks in my mind and I plan accordingly, and then I am treated as if I am late.

A. I agree that this can be confusing. My primary care provider’s office uses the same system (arrive 15 minutes early), so I asked their reasoning. The considerate receptionist explained that those extra 15 minutes allow time for the patient to be checked in (you know, with all the “helpful” technology it seems more complicated now than ever before) and ready to be seen at the actual appointment time. My suggestion: as soon as you are given the card, rewrite the time 15 minutes earlier and consider that the appointed time. Just remember that if you have to wait 15 minutes to see the doctor, he’s really on time.

Q. My husband (we are both 72 years old) was recently diagnosed with “dementia.” For the most part, you would never know he has a problem, but occasionally there are signs, such as his forgetting where we are or stopping in the middle of doing something ordinary and not being able to continue. Of course, we have told our children and other close family members, but what about friends and neighbors?

A. Discuss this with your husband and respect his wishes. If he is adamantly against revealing his diagnosis at this time, wait until he is ready. If he would prefer people know – rather than wonder about his actions – let him decide who should know and when.

While shopping recently, I ran into a very dear couple I had not seen in several years. They looked great! As we began catching-up, the wife said – very matter-of-factly – “(husband’s name) has dementia”. He shook his head in agreement. Knowing that this couple is facing this challenge gave me a proper perspective as we continued our conversation. Surely, there is no shame in acknowledging that a loved one has dementia, and in many situations it can be beneficial if others know. For instance, informing neighbors can provide a “safety net.”

I appreciated the way this couple shared the husband’s diagnosis. It indicated they are on this journey together and will handle it well.