Most of us probably remember using the idiom “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” at least once in our childhood. It was a good comeback on the schoolyard when a bully called us a derogatory name or hurled an insult our way.

But is this familiar saying true? Solomon contributed this Proverb: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Words can tear down or build up. They can certainly wound the spirit and can even break a heart.

I am an observer of people; just can’t help myself. There is no better way to discern someone’s character than to watch their actions and listen to their words. Several recent incidents have been rather depressing. In a grocery store, I ached for a little girl in a cart whose father yelled at her, “Be still or I’m going to beat you.” On the soccer field, I witnessed a husband cruelly berate his wife for something over which she had no control. And unfortunately, on many occasions I have observed caregivers speak to their “loved ones” in a tone and with words that should have never been uttered.

According to a report in the British Medical Journal, a common form of abuse in caregiving situations is verbal abuse, which includes “using a harsh tone, screaming or yelling, intimidation, humiliation and ridicule, or threatening to stop caring for the person.” This is closely related to emotional abuse, which is defined as “infliction of any anguish, pain, or distress through verbal or non-verbal acts.”

No caregiver begins the journey with the intent of becoming verbally abusive. Sometimes the demands of caregiving overwhelm physically. Sleep is lacking and often interrupted. Your energy level bottoms out. You neglect your own health needs. Emotionally, you are often stressed and may begin to resent that your whole life revolves around caring for another person. You catch yourself overreacting to little things; you are often irritable; you become impatient. These are indicative of caregiver burnout, and if you do not take steps to avert this situation, you may begin lashing out at the person in your care.

Do not be ashamed or afraid to admit you need help. Reach out to all available resources – family, friends, your church, health care providers and agencies that provide counseling and assistance. Caregiving should never be a solitary journey.

One of the best ways to avoid burnout is to take regular time off from your caregiving duties. This is especially important when your loved one suffers from dementia or requires total physical care. Always be willing to accept help when it is offered.

Remember that as caregivers, we minister to the body and the spirit. The words we use and the way in which we say them matter. Just as we are careful to cause no physical harm, we must be vigilant in preventing emotional pain. The childhood saying is absolutely false, because in reality, words can break a heart.