Has anyone asked you that question recently?

When I was a nurse in long-term care, co-workers were frequently asking me why I was in such a hurry. Occasionally, a patient would ask that same question. Co-workers should understand; we all had more responsibilities than we could hope to satisfactorily complete during our shift, even at a fast pace. If we slowed down, some patient needs would not be met.

Having a patient ask that question was different. No matter how many other patients were waiting, it was always a reminder to at least try to appear not to be in a hurry. Each one deserved to have quality, individual time with her nurse. This was a balancing act that required detailed planning and execution. Even then, it seemed there was always something – a fall, a fever, or a late-evening new admission – that threw the entire schedule out of whack. Hardly ever was I able to clock out after just eight hours. Looking back, I would say hurrying was often a necessity.

Just for fun, I looked up “hurry” in a thesaurus. There were over thirty-four synonyms, including hasten, dash, rush, flash and streak. Less formal terms listed were whiz, whoosh, scoot and zip. Two of my favorites were boogie and get a wiggle on, both of which I found delightfully descriptive. Also noted were the British scutter (formal) and stir one’s stumps (informal). Never heard that before. Of course, I also didn’t realize scutter is a formal word. When our first (and only) son began to crawl, Scutter became his nickname. Antonyms provided in the listing included dawdle, amble, linger and move slowly. Don’t you just love the sound of those words?

Some quick research on hurrying revealed a few interesting facts. Although not actually a medical or mental health illness, this habit has been given a name – hurry sickness. One effect is the body’s increased output of cortisol, a stress hormone. A long-term effect could be depression. Constant scooting can have detrimental effects on personal relationships. Family and friends may infer you are too busy to spend time with them. A caregiver who constantly whooshes and zips may cause her recipient to “try not to be a bother.” 

Maybe we should reserve hurrying for times when there is really no other way to get things done. Since retiring, I dare say I have adopted a schedule that is rather laid-back, and I like it that way. Time clocks are a thing of the past. Following Randy’s retirement in February, I have had to make some adjustments. (I read somewhere that a man’s retirement means a new-full time job for his wife; I can understand why someone wrote that.) Although I keep busy with various activities, my schedule at this stage of life is usually not excessively regimented.

Almost every morning, Randy asks, “What are you going to do today?” 

I usually have some ideas, so I recite the activities on my mental schedule, such as vacuum, clean bathrooms, and shop for groceries.

Then he asks, “What time are you going shopping?” 

“Well…when I finish the other chores,” is my usual reply. He wants specifics. He’s still on the clock.

Most caregivers are always on the clock. Some things have to be done in a timely manner. Other things can be postponed for a while. Busy is a word that accurately describes most days. Hurrying becomes a means of getting things done.

But occasionally, dawdle should be the word of the day. I am not recommending neglecting your loved one’s needs; not at all. But if lately you have been feeling like a whirlwind, constantly going in circles, it is probably a good time to take a break and rethink your priorities. You may need to:

• Cancel any activities that are time-consuming without being fulfilling.
• Focus on ways daily activities can be less hurried such as leisurely meals (by all means when a friend offers to provide a meal, take them up on it!) If your recipient is able, a slow-paced walk together in the early morning or evening – remember to take deep breaths – can de-stress physically and mentally.
• Purpose to set aside periods of relaxation every day – these may or may not include your recipient – based on what works best for the two of you.
• Ask for help from family or friends; arrange to have “time off” from your responsibilities on a regular basis – at least one day each week and one weekend each month. Every caregiver needs and deserves respite time.
• Do remember the importance of spending unhurried intervals with your loved one every day – talking, listening, and connecting emotionally.

When the situation requires hurry, do be careful (accidents are another side effect of constant hurrying). When the situation can be dealt with in a less timely manner, move slowly…or even consider dawdling a while. If someone asks you, “What’s the hurry?” pause and ask yourself if it is really necessary to boogie or if you can just take some time to linger.

Caring Quote:  Christ never was in a hurry. There was no rushing forward, no anticipating, no fretting over what might be. Each day’s duties were done as each day brought them, and the rest was life with God.  – Mary Slessor, Scottish missionary to Nigeria