Today I had planned to continue the series on various conditions that usually require a caregiver, but I can’t. Not today.

Over the past few weeks I have received distressing news from two friends who are dedicated caregivers. My heart is heavy for them and their families. These gifted, loving, faithful caregivers have been diagnosed with cancer. Serious cancer.

Statistics compiled over the years have shown that about 30% of caregivers die before their recipients. That number is even higher – up to 70% for caregivers over the age of 70. In these situations, the recipient is often a spouse – though not always. With more people living to be over 90 – a population that has tripled over the past few decades and is predicted to continue to increase – the number of nonagenarians and older is almost 2 million people. That means many “old” people are providing care for even older parents.

In addition, caregivers often suffer with non-life-threatening ailments, especially depression and auto-immune disease. Some in the medical field have begun referring to this condition as “caregiver syndrome” because they are seeing consistent signs and symptoms. The most common of these is depression, anxiety and anger. In the pamphlet, “Caring for Persons with Dementia,” Dr. Jean Posner, a neuropsychiatrist in Baltimore, Maryland, referred to caregiver syndrome as, “a debilitating condition brought on by unrelieved, constant caring for a person with a chronic illness or dementia.” 

I strongly support family caregiving. I believe it is the best possible choice – when it is possible. 

While I never considered taking care of my dad a “burden” I do know that 24-7 caregiving is very challenging and can drain the body and spirit – especially when you are “going it alone.” No caregiver who has another family member, or friend, or neighbor, or church-family, should ever have “to go it alone.” I know from personal experience that I was able to provide continued care for daddy for five years because I had so much help from others – my husband, children and sisters. The thought of trying to do it all by myself – with no breaks or no meaningful respites is unthinkable. 

My caregiver friends who are now facing their own battles with cancer have not had to “go it alone” but both have served as caregivers for many, many years. Both have taken care of more than one family member.

Cancer is a dreaded illness that is no respecter of persons. While there are things you can do that may help prevent some cancers (eat lots of fruits and vegetables) and things you should not do (smoke), anyone can be diagnosed with one (or more) of the hundreds of types of cancer. Probably, the most important perspective to take regarding cancer is regular check-ups, especially if you notice any of these warning signs. Many advances have been made in treating cancer – and early detection is the key.

Signs of Cancer

• Change in bowel or bladder habits.
• A sore that does not heal.
• Unusual bleeding or discharge.
• Thickening or lump in the breast or elsewhere.
• Indigestion or difficulty in swallowing.
• Obvious change in a wart or mole.
• Nagging cough or hoarseness.

Unfortunately, many caregivers, exhausted from taking care of another or too busy keeping up with their loved one’s doctor appointments to schedule one for themselves end up neglecting their own health.

I would like to offer three reminders to caregivers for self-care. I am sure you have heard them all before, but for some reason caregivers seem to have a hard time thinking of themselves…but you have to.

Take care of yourself. The most important word for a successful caregiver may just be “respite.” As I have written and spoken numerous times, this is not an option but a requirement. God made us to sleep one-third of our lives. When we ignore this prerequisite for healthy living, all sorts of maladies creep into our bodies and minds. Attend to your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs as if your life depended on it. Yes, your loved one is important…but so are you. 

Ask for help. You may be the only one in your family with that special caregiving “gift”, but you cannot possibly take on this responsibility by yourself without negatively effecting the outcome. Every family member who is capable of, for example, doing laundry, going to the grocery store, or driving a car should offer to assist you “in any way needed.” And for Pete’s sake, when they offer, accept! That goes for friends and neighbors as well. 

Know when to say, “no more.” Not every caregiver reaches this point, but I know many who have. They no longer have the physical or emotional stamina to continue caring for someone they love very much. You have not failed; you have done all you could. This decision is never taken lightly, but changes and choices take place.  Someone else in the family may step-up. You may have to let go in a way you never planned. Pray and let God make a way where there seems to be none. This can be a heartbreaking scenario for a caregiver. But it is also heartbreaking when the recipient loses a caregiver to death.

Caring quote: Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.– Eleanor Brownn