Caregiver to Caregiver

Caregivers often experience mixed emotions about observing this special holiday season. Some already feel overwhelmed; how can they possibly find time to shop, bake, and entertain friends? Others are concerned that it is not appropriate to surround themselves with decorations and merry music when a loved one is slowing dying in the next room.   What are the choices? Do you celebrate as usual; do you adjust to fit the circumstances; or do you skip Christmas altogether?

I vote for option number two. It may not be practical to include all of your traditional customs, but disregarding the festivities entirely could contribute to an atmosphere of despair. Rethinking how you have celebrated in the past and being willing to make changes can help you find the right balance for you and your loved one.

Although we did not know on Daddy’s last Christmas that he would be gone in less than a month, we did recognize that he was rapidly declining. I remember it as my most melancholy Christmas. It had been impossible for me (emotionally) to celebrate as usual, until just a few days before, when I traipsed out into the middle of the Christmas rush to buy him a few gifts that included a bright yellow sweatshirt, which I dressed him in frequently over the next few weeks. I ventured into the freezing attic and retrieved a diminutive artificial tree. Placing it at the end of Daddy’s bed, I decked it with sparkling lights. Beloved carols played softly on his favorite Christian radio station and from my own collection of tapes. (Okay, so those were the good old days.) Though I do not know for sure, I like to think these simple acts made Daddy’s last Christmas a more joyous one for him; I know it did for me.

Circumstances will be different in every caregiving home this holy season. Consider what will make the celebration most meaningful for your loved one, your family and yourself.

Here are some guidelines to help you plan.

• Make a list of those activities that are the most meaningful and will create the most joy. You do not have to hang every ornament or display every decoration you have collected through the years. You do not have to bake two-dozen cookies for every neighbor on your block. You do not have to elaborately wrap every present. Even the most capable caregiver has limits; acknowledge them.
• Recognize that it will not ruin Christmas if you are unable to participate in all of your usual activities. Maintain family customs when possible, while adapting as needed. You may no longer be able to take your loved one to that special ballet or concert, but viewing the colorful light displays throughout our area from the comfort of your car may be an enjoyable alternative. If you have the opportunity to attend a special event, arrange for a sitter, go and enjoy.
• Invite friends and relatives to visit, a few at a time. If your loved one has dementia, avoid too much loud noise or other triggers that may confuse or upset him. When your guests ask beforehand, “Can I bring something?” reply, “yes” and let them provide the goodies.
• Set aside a “Christmas quiet place” and surround yourself with your favorite things, fragrances, and sounds. This is especially beneficial for caregivers whose duties require that they spend much of their time at home. When your heart longs to celebrate, escape to this retreat and contemplate the real reason for the season. Soon you’ll be humming, “Joy to the World, the Lord has come!”

Be blessed as we prepare to celebrate His birth.