Caregiver to Caregiver

Four days into 2022.

Time, oh good, good time where did you go?

If you have time (pun intended) take a few minutes and listen to this eerily lovely song, Time, from the debut album (1966) by the Pozo-Seco Singers. The lyrics are…you decide.

The first week of the year I usually cover the subject of decluttering your surroundings, including lots of encouragement to do so. I digress. If you are interested in pursuing that subject, please redirect to the archives; there are ten articles under the category “clutter” that should inspire you if you are so inclined.

No suggestions about the three piles (keep, give, trash) or the necessity to totally empty a drawer before “straightening” it. Today, it gets personal. I have chosen the subject “decluttering your mind.” In an on-line article with that title by Melissa Corriveau, she proposes several benefits: improved mood and self-control; less stress; treating yourself and others with more kindness; improved concentration; and improved health including reduction in chronic pain and a lower blood pressure. Sounds promising.

Caregivers are generally busy folk. Lots to do. Lots to plan. Important things to think about. Do you ever wish you could place your thoughts on hold? Sometimes there is an information jam and it seems impossible to come to a coherent conclusion about anything.  

As I began research for this blog, I was surprised at how much has already been written on this matter, especially in recent years.  (No wonder, with all our devices and abundant information available at the click of a button.) A descriptive phrase has even been coined – brain dump – to help you visualize the importance of unloading swirling thoughts that only serve to jumble your brain. The term may sound dubious, but after reading several essays on this issue, it seems the remedy is simple: put all those thoughts tangled in your head into simple sentences on paper. In other words, make lists. I have been doing this for years and find it very helpful. Although most of my lists are “to do” lists, these brain dump lists can include any chatter that drowns out peace of mind – concerns about your loved one, questions you want to ask the doctor, plans for the future.

Closely related to writing lists is keeping a journal. Always good therapy, this is the place to express hurt feelings, relationship problems, as well as pleasant thoughts and gratitude. Sometimes just writing about difficulties enables you to deal with them in a productive way. Although a simple pen and paper are all that is required, I must confess that my handwriting borders on being illegible and even I can barely decipher it. Therefore, I head straight to my keyboard to fling my thoughts into a document in Word appropriately named, “Thoughts.” There are numerous methods available to move our mental notes into a tangible receptacle and give our minds a rest.

Once the dump has been achieved, there are other helpful steps we can take to keep our mind active without causing it to be overwhelmed. Here are a few:

• I was not planning to go here, but most of the mind decluttering experts seem to agree that step one is to declutter your physical domain. One even referred to clutter as “excessive stimuli which forces the brain to work overtime and signals the brain that there is always something else to be done which is mentally exhausting.” Sounds like decluttering the brain begins by decluttering the stuff. (Again, I refer you to the archives.)

• Another frequent directive is to “let go of the past.” Good memories are gifts. Bad memories are barricades to joy. Yet we often allow ourselves to push the replay button…over and over. This may signal something we have not settled but should. If injurious thoughts continually bombard your mind, counteract with prayer, conversation with a friend, seeking forgiveness – whatever it takes to quiet the pain. 

•  Do not multitask. What? How will I ever get everything done? Again, I turn to the experts who are telling us multi-tasking is bad for the brain. When we switch back and forth between tasks, we lose focus and concentration. Their suggestion: as far as possible, finish one thing before moving on to the next. Does that mean I can’t sew on a loose button while cookies are baking in the oven? If I remember to set the oven timer, maybe I will be okay.

• Be decisive. It is estimated that the average adult makes over 30,000 decisions every day. A personal pet peeve is people who take w-a-y  t-o-o  l-o-n-g to make what should be simple decisions.  Time-consuming consideration should not be required for most everyday options such as what to wear or a menu for daily meals. Benjamin Franklin recommended a pros-and-cons list to assist in reaching a conclusion for important matters. Of course, major decisions with serious or long-term consequences require more time; just don’t wait to the last minute to make them. And once made, do not waste time second-guessing.

• Occasionally, put a Do Not Disturb sign on your forehead (figuratively speaking). We live in an age in which we are constantly bombarded with information. Our response should be to set limits and decide what is beneficial, what is harmful and what is just a waste of our time and brain space. Even turning off social media and tuning into your real world can slow the pace. I like this quote from Jim Elliot: “Wherever you are, be all there.” This reminds me of a definition of mindfulness, another tool in the box of brain decluttering: the ability to be present, to rest in the here and now, fully engaged with whatever you are doing in the moment. This allows you to focus on one task and do it well.

• Prioritize. This word occurred frequently throughout my probe. One writer suggested that nothing clutters the brain as much as an endless to-do list. Instead, keep a short-list of the most important items, arranged chronologically if deadlines are involved. Reassure yourself that while you can’t do it all, you can make steady progress and follow through. 

• Take care of yourself. That directive may be one of the most repeated when writing for caregivers – and rightly so. Treating yourself well physically contributes to a healthy mind. Exercise regularly, eat nutritiously, get as much rest as possible, and do something you enjoy each day. Do not be afraid to say “no” when needed, ask for assistance, or postpone or cancel unnecessary activities.

• Prepare your mind for a peaceful night’s sleep. Deactivate an hour or so before bedtime. (This is supposed to be the best time for a brain-dump.)  Create a routine that is calming physically and emotionally. Soothing surroundings, devices put away, a little pampering here and there. Design your bedroom to be a pleasant retreat that induces a restful state of mind.

• Meditate. I have always been a little squeamish about this directive because sometimes it’s followed by weird stuff. Basically, it means thinking deeply or carefully about something. So, I leave you with four quotes from my favorite book to help you on your journey to an uncluttered mind. 

Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 

Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Philippians 4:8

You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast (that is, committed and focused on You – in both inclination and character), because he trusts and takes refuge in You (with hope and confident expectation). Isaiah 26:3 AMP