Caregiver to Caregiver

Researchers agree that one way to maintain brain vitality is to stay involved in a variety of activities that utilize our mental, physical and social skills. Studies have even indicated that participating in endeavors that provide a combination of these three aptitudes may help prevent dementia. And of course, doing fun things with people we care about gives us pleasure and makes life more meaningful.

Being diagnosed with dementia or losing some degree of physical ability does not diminish a person’s need for activity and interaction. After my knee replacement surgery, one of my greatest challenges was feeling useless. It was humiliating to not be able to take care of myself, let alone not being able to contribute to others’ needs. Thankfully, that was a short-term predicament. A caregiver, however, is usually beginning a long journey, and learning to meet all the needs of the receiver – including the one for purpose in life – can be daunting.

Begin with the basics. Encourage your loved one to stay involved in as many normal activities as possible, including the self-care they are able to provide for themselves. Sometimes supervision is all that is needed. It’s a good rule not to do anything for your recipient that he or she is capable of doing.

Facilitating continued involvement in hobbies, social activities, church attendance and as many former activities as possible can help prevent a feeling of isolation, which may lead to depression. Yes, this will take more effort on your part, but consider that the results are worth it. When appropriate, join in the activity. The two of you may even discover a new pastime you enjoy such as putting together puzzles – fun and therapeutic.

Remember that beneficial activities do not have to be extravagant. Visiting a friend who is sick, shopping for a gift for another family member, or cooking a meal together serve as meaningful accomplishments.

Inquire into community resources that provide activities for seniors. Depending on your loved one’s mental and physical condition, there may be opportunities for you to take a break from your responsibilities while the recipient participates in an exercise program or a game of Bingo; or you may choose to share these times together.

Ask your loved one what he or she would like to do. Your dad may suggest going fishing or your mom may want to bake an apple pie. It is important to let them feel they have choices and to maintain a measure of independence that will facilitate their quality of life.

There are many benefits to staying active and stimulated – even after a troubling diagnosis – not only for the recipient but also for the caregiver. Two of these are sharing happy times in the present and making sweet memories to savor in the future.

Symptoms will worsen; certain activities will no longer be possible. Enjoy the time you have together now.

In closing, a caregiver shared an idea with me that I thought was helpful and you may want to adopt it as you embark on some new activities with your loved one. I know that some caregivers are concerned about how onlookers will react in social situations (such as dining at a restaurant). This woman had printed a short message on half of an index card that read: “My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Thanks for understanding.” She explained that when her husband’s actions were inappropriate, she would discreetly pass the card to the receptionist, waiter, etc. She reported that all responses had been positive, even gracious.

Caring quote: Engaging in meaningful activities is important to all of us as we age; it’s no different for those who are cognitively or physically impaired. – Dale A. Lund, PhD