Caregiver to Caregiver

Caregiving is a position that almost always requires on-the-job-training. When our family moved into my dad’s house and became his round-the-clock caregivers, I believed my love for him and life experience would enable me to cope, even excel. I had a lot to learn. 

Many caregivers are thrust into this role unexpectedly – after a debilitating stroke, a serious heart attack, or a fall or other accident that requires long-term rehabilitation. When you have no time to prepare, where do you start? Recently I was asked this question by a wife whose husband’s health suddenly declined from fit to infirm.

I jotted down a few thoughts – sort of a crash course – of lessons learned from my own experience as well as from conversations with other caregivers – that I hoped would help her get on the right track. This list will help new caregivers ease into the role and remind current caregivers of their priorities.

• Do not panic. Take one day at a time and do the best you can. You will learn something new every day that will make you a better caregiver. In the morning pray for strength and patience. In the evening thank God for answered prayer and for the blessing of being able to take care of your loved one.
• Take care of yourself. For some reason, caregivers seem to reject this basic yet consequential guidance. No, it is not selfish to think about your own physical, emotional and spiritual needs; it is necessary. To provide the best care, you must be at your best.
• Learn all you can about your loved one’s diagnosis. Reach out to the health care professionals involved and ask questions; if you do not understand an answer, ask again and request that the response be given in laymen’s terms. Sometimes they forget that not everyone uses medical terminology. Consider them a part of your caregiving team and let them know you desire and will appreciate their guidance. Take time to consult with the pharmacist. One of the best tips I ever got from mine was to always use a medication organizer to store and administer prescription drugs. With the possibility of multiple meds scheduled throughout the day, this is the best way to prevent missing a dose – or giving one too often.
• Educate yourself about basic caregiving skills, such as the best way to reposition your recipient in bed, turning and lifting, giving bed baths, etc. A plethora of information is available on-line, including in my archives. A friend or neighbor who has experience as a caregiver may be willing to help you master these techniques. This will make life more comfortable for you and your loved one. If you really want to dig-in, taking a nursing assistant class at a community college will provide valuable training.
• Retain important documents and make sure all legal affairs are in order. Sadly, I was recently informed that a friend’s mother had become “a ward of the state” because important decisions had not been made and recorded. Having these conversations can be difficult but the consequences of not doing so are much worse.
• Be willing to accept help. Unless you and your recipient are completely alone in the world, there are family members, friends or neighbors who will reach out and offer assistance. Respond with a resounding “Yes!” Keep a list of needs – changing a lightbulb, moving a piece of furniture, transportation to a doctor’s appointment, or sitting while you go to a doctor’s appointment, etc. – and when someone offers, share the possibilities. Both of you will be blessed.
• Becoming a caregiver may have been unexpected, but once you have accepted your new role, take time to get organized and unclutter. Sure, this should have been done a long time ago, but better now than never. If you do not see a way to do this on you own, seek professional services. I understand there are now companies that will come to your house with a backhoe and voila! Well, not really, but sort of. I am not sure when hoarding and near-hoarding became tolerable styles of living but I do believe they lower anyone’s standard of living. Recently, Randy and attempted to visit some dear friends – both elderly and infirm – and could not even get inside because of the stuff. Sad. (And yes, I did offer my services and they replied that they were “working on it.”)
• Speaking of which – a home cluttered to the max is not conducive to social interaction, and caregivers should pursue maintaining satisfying social connections. Continue to enjoy life by celebrating special occasions and holidays and just days in general. Life goes on; sometimes it takes a path we were not expecting, but as long as our journey in this world continues, we should appreciate and make the most of every day, while preparing our hearts for the better, eternal life to come.

Caring Quote: So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18