Caregiver to Caregiver

I do hope this series on “being elderly” has not made you feel older than you are. That is not my purpose. Rather, I want you to have information that may help you grow older gracefully so you can make the most of your senior years.

Last week I listed some common physical characteristics of the elderly. Today we will look at the emotional and mental challenges we face most often as we age.

As I researched this topic, one issue popped up again and again. Can you guess what it is? Let me give you a clue. During this pandemic, the number of seniors experiencing this affliction has increased exponentially. If you guessed loneliness, you are right. Many times, over the past year, I have lamented, “How do residents of nursing home deal with the isolation that has been mandated on them?” I am thankful that some restrictions are being lifted and family members are once again able to visit their loved ones. 

But it is not just elders in nursing homes who experience loneliness. Modern life has brought about many changes that often disrupt personal relationships. Families often live great distances apart – and of course, this past year travel and visitation have been greatly limited. 

One article I read suggested that the elderly no longer receive the same respect, attention and care that was culturally imperative in past generations. People are busy. Both parents work. Children’s schedules are crammed full of activities…and families just “don’t have the time” (or take the time) to visit their parents or grandparents. As we grow older, our mental as well as physical health and longevity improve when supportive social relationships are maintained.

Generally, older people tend to be more emotionally stable than younger people. Because they are mature and have been through many experiences – both positive and negative – they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and express a degree of contentment not yet gained by the up-and-coming generations. However, as the effects of old age begin to become apparent in their lives, they may feel challenged and need added support.

This is a sad fact, but many of the elderly population begin to experience a decline in their self-worth if they become isolated from family members and society in general. They may ask, “What good am I to anyone?” I cannot tell you how many times I have heard an elderly person say, “I don’t want to be a burden to my children.” The last time I heard those words uttered, it was from a dear friend. I lovingly scolded her for thinking her only son would consider her to be anything but a blessing. Unfortunately, I know that is not always true. 

While many elderly folks are considered to be accommodating (reconciling themselves to their neediness and dependance on another), this situation may cause feelings of worthlessness. Of course, as a caregiver, one of our main responsibilities is to make sure our words and actions show our loved ones they mean the world to us.

Not necessarily a problem, but a fact nonetheless is that the elderly are often “set in their ways.” And why not? They have had years to try out new things and see what works best. Why would they want to change now?

More problematic than being what some may consider opinionated or demanding, research indicates that about one in four elderly people will experience a mental disorder. The top three are depression, dementia and anxiety.

Depression is the most common mental health diagnosis in seniors. It is interesting that a young person’s perspective on old age tends to actually affect how well they age. Those with negative age stereotypes are more likely to have higher rates of depression when they grow old. Those who see old age as a gift to embrace and enjoy – more years to accomplish their goals – are less likely to experience depression.

Did you know people over age 65 have the highest rate of suicide of any age group? This is often the result of severe depression.

As we age, most of us will experience some mental and cognitive decline. The symptoms of cognitive decline associated with aging include diminished inductive reasoning, loss of ability to solve problems, lessened spatial orientation and slower rates of cognitive processing and reaction time.

Memory loss affects most of us to some degree; I chalk it up to my brain being too full. Sometimes I like to compare my brain to a computer. If I am trying to think of, say, a name, and I just sit for a while, it usually pops up on the screen in my cerebrum. However, I could sit in front of my computer for days and that name would never just pop up on the screen. So, I conclude my brain is still in pretty good shape. 

Although these normal signs of aging are not disease related, experiencing one or more of these deficits may cause some older people to conclude they must be in the early stage of dementia.

Dementia is a general term for memory loss and decreased intellectual abilities that are serious enough to interfere with daily life. It is not a normal part of aging and its prevalence is about 10% at age 65 to about 50% over age 85. While all dementia is not Alzheimer’s, about 50 to 80% of dementia cases are classified as Alzheimer’s disease.

Anxiety in old age has many causes. As the body grows older, people worry about not only their health but also their ability to take care of themselves and function independently in their own homes. The loss of urinary and bowel continence is often a great worry. 

The elderly wonder what will happen when they can no longer care for themselves. They worry about their loss of privacy or ability to make decisions on their own. Many are concerned about their safety and what they would do if someone broke into their home or their house catches on fire. Reassurance is in order, as well as practical advice on how to prevent accidents and if necessary, call 911. Many elders have this number put on speed-dial which is a sensible idea. Another confidence builder is having access to a medical alert system for emergencies. While some seniors balk at the idea, those who have needed to use them realize they are life-saving devices. People living alone really do fall and cannot get up. 

I hope I have given you something to think about and plan for. Young people generally perceive “being elderly” as having gray hair, wrinkled skin, and moving and thinking slowly. There’s a lot more to it.

While we do not have complete control over our individual aging process – genes play an important role – we can (hopefully from an early age) choose a healthy lifestyle that will yield graceful aging. 

• Regular physical exercise There is no stop-date on this one as long as you can move. It is no myth that if you don’t use it, you lose it. Always check with your doctor before making major changes in your exercise routine.
• Nutritious diet. Basically, more fruits, veggies and whole grains and less everything else, especially high-fat and processed foods. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, hide the saltshaker. Drink lots of water. Have dessert once in a while. (For a more complete plan, check-out my blogs on “Bless this Food to Our Use” in the archives under “Nutrition”.)
• Don’t smoke; if you do, it is never too late to stop…except when it is.
• Socialize and enjoy life; start a new hobby or renew an old one.
• Use your brain. Learn something new; keep a dictionary by the television and look up unfamiliar words (well, maybe not all unfamiliar words – use discretion); read good stuff; do puzzles; write your memoir. Just like muscle mass, gray matter that is not used declines in strength.
• The Bible promises a “long, good life” to those who honor their parents. (See Ephesians 6:3) I recommend this highly. Remember your parents are to be honored when you are young and they care for you as well as when you grow up and they need your care. 

Someone – in fact, a lot of people – has said, “Growing old isn’t for the fainthearted.” The view from young can be much different than the view from old. Knowing what to expect and being ready for the challenges that come our way came make the journey an amazing one. I wish you and your loved one just that.

Caring Quote:  Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4