Caregiver to Caregiver

Researching the meaning and history of St. Valentine’s Day can be disheartening. Depending on the source, some versions are dark and gory. I chose to adhere to the one I have become most acquainted with, through books and a stirring video we purchased when our children were young.

Supposedly, there were at least three men by the name of Valentine who all became Christian martyrs. The one whose story is most well-known was a Roman priest of the third century. According to legend or history (or a fusion) Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage as he believed single men made better soldiers who could concentrate on war, not love.

Although priests were not allowed to marry, this Valentine was said to recognize the beauty of Christian marriage and believed the emperor’s ruling was cruel and unjust. Therefore, in secret he performed wedding ceremonies for young Christian couples. When his crime was discovered, he was imprisoned and eventually put to death.  In this legend, his last words were written on a heart shaped note to a young blind girl he had befriended. He signed it, “From your Valentine.” Thus, the tradition of giving Valentine cards (or Valentines).

Some of the bad press for Valentine’s comes from the accounts of pagans celebrating the festival of Lupercalia where animal sacrifices were performed to increase the fertility of young women. A connection was drawn between the two, but historical recordings report that in the fifth century, the celebration of Lupercalia was outlawed and replaced with the Christian holiday of St. Valentine’s Day. 

So, I say, let’s go for it. Celebrate love on February 14!

It is estimated that over 150 million valentines are exchanged each year, making them the second most popular greeting cards after Christmas ones. Almost four billion dollars is spent on jewelry, three and one half billion on romantic dinners, and nearly two billion on flowers to celebrate this special day.

I am not suggesting you raid your savings to buy a gift for a special someone. My idea is to show real generosity and share yourself with someone who could use an infusion of love. While Valentine’s Day usually conjures up thoughts of romantic love, we can also celebrate this day as a time to show love to family members (parents and children); to dear friends and neighbors; to the elderly, sick and lonely; and especially to caregivers and care recipients.

A sad aspect of caregiving is that those who receive such wonderful care often do not have the ability to show their gratitude. This is where the non-caregiver family member or friend can step in and express appreciation on behalf of the care recipient. If the recipient is mentally capable but not physically able to procure a surprise, let him decide what special gift he would like to bestow upon his caregiver for Valentine’s Day and make the arrangements. Assisting in this manner will bring much joy to both. Fresh flowers, a plant, chocolates or another sweet, a framed photo, a note of gratitude (you can volunteer to hand write it as he expresses his feelings) are just a few ideas.

As a caregiver, I hope you will take time to plan a simple (or elaborate) celebration. If you care for your spouse, include the romance factor. Prepare a special candlelit dinner; view your wedding album; play your favorite music from years gone by. Cuddle. Speak loving words and recall previous Valentine’s Day celebrations.

If your recipient is a parent or other family member, plan to celebrate in a way you know they would enjoy. A special meal together, tea for two, watching an appropriate movie, or just providing some red/white/pink decorations can make your recipient feel loved and special. And that should be your goal. If your recipient has other children or grandchildren, encourage them to drop by, bring a card and sit down and chat awhile. Of course, follow precautions as advised.

Do not forget to spread the love around on this special day. Besides family and friends, you probably have acquaintances that are elderly, maybe with health problems or who live by themselves, who would be thrilled to be invited to brunch or lunch, receive a special treat, spend an hour or so reminiscing, or be given a simple smile-maker such as a balloon, a bouquet of flowers, or a fancy hand-made card. If you are the crafty type, you may even want to make a handful of cards to take shopping with you. When you encounter a caregiver or an elderly person, hand them a card and remind them they are loved.  I really can’t think of anyone who would not appreciate a Valentine’s greeting. 

I wish you and your family a lovely Valentine’s Day, filled with countless expressions of love.

Caring Quote: I John 4:7 Let us love one another; for love is of God.

*The video I mentioned above is The First Valentine and can be viewed on YouTube. It’s less than 30 minutes long and appropriate for all  ages.