Share a little love this Friday
What’s not to love about Valentine’s Day! The symbolic colors, the fragrant bouquets, the sweets and the sweet memories all make this a special day to celebrate confections and affections.
Speaking of memories, one just flashed in my mind. On Valentine’s Day when I was a freshman in high school, I received three boxes of chocolates from three different and, in their own way, handsome guys. The first was a small square box topped with a “mink” poodle brooch (yes, they did exist in the late sixties). The second was a medium-sized fancy heart-shaped box covered with lace and ribbons. The third was an enormous box that included two layers of delectable chocolates along with a guide so I didn’t have to poke a hole in each to discover what was inside. Guess who won my heart? Well, I still love chocolate (poodle brooches not so much).
Although usually considered as a day to celebrate romantic love, this midwinter holiday can also be a time to express our fond feelings to family and friends. The first February after we had become caregivers for my dad, my daughters and I were busy in the kitchen, baking and decorating cookies on the morning of February 13. After his post-breakfast nap, Daddy wandered in – possibly attracted by the aroma emanating from the oven – looked at the assortment of red, pink and white goodies spread across the table and asked, “Are these for the sick and shut-ins?”
Actually, we had made them for family and a few close friends. But Daddy’s question struck a chord, and we amended our plans. By distributing the cookies and candies among a bevy of red paper plates, wrapping them in plastic wrap and tying them with a ribbon, we had plenty of treats for the originally intended recipients as well as many of Daddy’s “sick and shut-in” friends. We spent Valentine’s Day afternoon visiting these dear folk in their homes and at nursing facilities. I still recall their warm smiles, their sincere “thank-yous” and especially their tender hugs.
You still have a few days to plan ways to show your love to others this Friday – special folk who may have not been on your list but would otherwise not receive a Valentine’s Day greeting. Depending on your circumstances, here are some ideas.
If you are a caregiver, consider the best way to make this a special day for your loved one, taking into account physical and mental limitations. You may choose to decorate their room, prepare a special meal, or present a small gift. If the person you care for is able, assist them in making Valentine cards to give to other family members and visitors or ask for their help in decorating cookies. Encourage them to share memories of previous Valentine’s Days. Bring out the photo album – wedding and anniversary pictures would be great – to inspire reminiscing, especially “love” stories.
Does your loved one live in a facility? Ask the staff if a party or other special event has been planned. If so, plan to attend and offer to bring refreshments. If no special celebration is on the activity schedule, make the day festive with a bouquet of balloons or flowers, a special treat, and an extended visit.
Maybe one of your parents serves as caregiver for the other. If practical, treat them to a night out. If this is not feasible, plan a candlelight dinner for them at home. Provide a meal of their favorite foods, set the table with a lace cloth and the good china, light some candles and play music that will evoke memories of their courtship days. Be sure to take photos!
What if your mate is the one you care for? Valentine’s Day can be bittersweet when your lifelong sweetheart is now an invalid or no longer “sweet” or no longer able to express affection. Do not let that stop you from celebrating the gift that brought you together and sustains you, even now. If your spouse can no longer physically embrace you, you can still hold him or her tenderly and whisper words worthy of the years you have spent taking care of each other. Switch up the daily schedule in some way to reveal you are celebrating the love you share.
If you are a married caregiver for a parent or other family member and find it generally difficult to carve out time for your husband/wife because of your demanding schedule, then saving this date for your mate is imperative. Caregiver situations often require sacrifice; but they should not do so at the expense of your marriage. Plan ahead and find someone to fill in for you so you can enjoy a romantic evening with your spouse – and make it a goal to pamper this important relationship in the future.
Being able to give and receive love is one of the best gifts any of us can experience. May your Valentine’s Day overflow with both.
CARING QUOTE: Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love. –Mother Theresa