Caregiver to Caregiver

Most of my adult life I have been a news junkie. Lately, my desire for watching the details of current events has taken a nosedive…just do not have the stomach for it. I still hear snippets on the hour from my favorite Christian radio station, and occasionally Randy will give me “updates” although he just gets the headlines from his smart phone and if I attempt to probe any further he admits he does not know the rest of the story. Instead of national news, I have been tuning in occasionally to local stations. I do want to be informed; I have an insatiable desire to know the truth; my inclination is to be knowledgeable so I can make wise decisions.

If there is one thing I have learned about television news over the past year, it is that these outlets are probably not the best source to achieve those goals. I experimented by watching various news shows on the same day, discovering that what should be presented as just the facts was actually facets of facts tainted by personal (even prejudiced) opinions. The resulting breaking news often led to conclusions that just didn’t reflect reality. Most surprising was realizing news stories were either proclaimed front and center or ignored altogether, based on the philosophy of the presenter (or their corporate headquarters). To make it clear, I observed this on both sides of the aisle. During a pandemic, having a trustworthy source of pertinent information is vital.

So how do we make decisions concerning our loved ones – especially the frail and elderly – during the days of COVID-19?

Over the past few weeks, I have gleaned the following from my minimal viewing of news programs.

A doctor, an “expert” in the field of epidemiology, asserted, “Give your parents the best holiday present – Stay Home!”

In Colorado, a group of nursing home residents held a protest from their wheelchairs, their homemade signs declaring, “We want families back,” “Rather die from COVID than loneliness,” “Prisoners in our own home,” and “Give us Freedom.” 

At a facility closer to home, in Thomasville, NC, a granddaughter was allowed to visit her seriously ill grandmother, who had been in isolation when the staff deemed that she did not have long to live. A few days after her granddaughter visited – the first visit in six months by a family member – the grandmother’s health started to improve. However, the family’s joy over this improvement is tempered by the realization that personal visitation may once again be denied because Grandma is no longer “close to death.”

This story didn’t make the news, but I heard through family members of a dear elderly couple (family by marriage) who broke free from home isolation and headed to the beach for a week, something they had being doing every summer for over fifty years. They did not inform their children of their getaway until they were on the highway, fearing they would not give them permission. These octogenarians had a great time and are safely back home. The husband explained that doctors have told him his heart is giving out and his life expectancy is two years or less. “And I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life sequestered at home,” he declared unapologetically. Good for him.

Today at church there was a prayer request for an elderly, windowed veteran. Kind, good man. He fell victim to COVID 19 earlier this year, and although given less than a five percent chance to survive, he did! Then he developed a severe UTI and following treatment was placed in a rehabilitation center – no visitors allowed. After weeks of this “therapy” his doctor has diagnosed him with a new malady – the loss of the will to live. He is desperately lonely. Is lack of socialization and physical contact really a “preventive” measure? 

Please understand I take this pandemic seriously. I follow reasonable guidelines. I think we all should. I also realize the importance of human touch and interaction in our lives.

It is interesting to note that the Supreme Court has established that conditions of confinement – including solitary confinement – amount to cruel and unusual punishment in as much as they result in “an unnecessary and wanton infliction of pain.” And that’s referring to people who are incarcerated because they have been found guilty of a crime.

Research has determined that social isolation is associated with decline in physical and mental health, including depression, anxiety, cognitive decline and increased risk for dementia.

This past week, a popular theme among those news snippets has been, “No family members outside your household for Thanksgiving Dinner this year.” Our governor, now safely reelected, has reversed directives, limiting family gatherings to 10 from the previous 40. Okay, that includes Randy and I and our children and their spouses – but no grandkids. What kind of celebration is that? And while the CDC pronounces that limiting the number of people gathered together is the safest way to celebrate, they have prepared extensive on-line guidelines for those who dare to share this day with their closest loved ones. These include “bring your own food, drink, plates, cups and utensils” and “avoid going in and out of the food preparation area.” Further down the page they include these instructions for an alternative activity: “Safely prepare traditional dishes and deliver them to family and neighbors in a way that does not involve contact with others (for example, leave them on the porch).” Am I missing something here?

Take heart; while the traditional Thanksgiving family get-together is a no-no, it is comforting to know that in many states, bars must now close at 10 p.m.

If you sense a little frustration being expressed, you are right. Yes, be careful and vigilant in dealing with COVID 19, but also be reasonable and discerning. There are umpteen varying “expert” opinions floating around out there. I think the best advice I have heard during this entire affair was from an obscure doctor, interviewed on a local station: “Wash your hands frequently and keep your hands away from your face. If you do this, you will drastically limit your chances of catching COVID.” I have diligently followed that advice.

Be smart as you plan your Thanksgiving Celebration this year – but don’t forget to plan from the heart.

Caring Reminder: A year ago I shared some thoughts on preparing for cold weather. It is that time again, so if you missed that blog or need a refresher, you can find “Brr…” from November 18, 2019 in the “Weather” category. It is hard to believe how much life for caregivers and their loved ones has changed since then.