Conversations with caregivers
As we observed National Family Caregivers Month in November, I had the opportunity to meet and converse with many caregivers. Some have been taking care of their loved one for years; a few were “brand new” to this challenging role. It is always a privilege to listen to their stories, answer questions, and share sorrows and triumphs. I am continually reminded that caregivers are special and compassionate folk.
One lady in particular – who contacted me after reading the column “Blessing or Burden” – touched my heart. I could hear the melancholy in her voice as she told me that her husband’s condition was deteriorating. Recently, his doctor told her that this gentleman she married almost fifty years ago was now in stage four (out of seven) of Alzheimer’s disease, which indicates “moderate decline.”
Then she made this emphatic declaration: “I don’t know when I’ve ever loved my husband more. Everyday I pray that I keep my health so I can be here for him. He needs me. It’s a privilege and honor to care for him.” WOW – talk about being faithful to those marriage vows!
And on the other side, there was a lady who conveyed her feelings about assisting with the care of an elderly friend. She lamented, “Caregiving sucks every ounce of breath out of me. I don’t know if I can go on.” I listened…and told her I would pray for her…because many caregivers have told me, “I couldn’t do this without God’s help.” Amen to that. “His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.”
As I spoke to different groups this month, I also met several people who read this column, even though they are not caregivers at the present time. However, they have been in the past or foresee themselves fulfilling that role in their future. Many of them have friends or family members who are caregivers. If you fit into this category, here are some suggestions for making your conversations with caregivers ones that will brighten their days. Use them every chance you get.
- You are doing an extraordinary job! I know how much you are giving of yourself; please let me do something special for you (and be sure to follow through).
- I know you are making sacrifices, but I honestly believe you will never regret your decision.
- We would be honored if you and your husband (or whoever is the care recipient) would come to our home for dinner tomorrow night. (Many caregivers tell me that they hardly ever receive invitations for dinner with friends.)
- Tell me three household chores that I can do for you today.
- It would be so nice to spend some time with you. When would be a good time for me to visit? Is there anything you need that I could bring?
- Here’s a small gift I bought for you just because you give so much of yourself.
- If you need someone to drive you to a doctor’s appointment (or grocery store, etc.), I would be glad to do it.
- I admire you.
- If I ever need a caregiver, I hope I’m blessed with one like you.
- I’m praying for you.
- Christmas will be here soon. It would be my pleasure to help you prepare; please tell me how I can help.
Caring Quote: “When people say, ‘I couldn’t do what you do,’ take that as a compliment. They are telling you how very strong and how very special you are.” – AgingCare.com