I first met Stephanie years ago after I had just begun writing a caregiving column in our local paper and was developing a small group of \u201cfollowers.\u201d As I was grocery shopping, a fellow shopper recognized me from the thumbnail snapshot that accompanied my weekly writings. Looking back, that is somewhat alarming. Anyway, as we chatted in the check-out line (one of my favorite pastimes pre-COVID) the woman behind the register (Stephanie) heard the word \u201ccaregiver\u201d and chimed in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, don\u2019t you just love that new column in the paper?\u201d she effused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The lady beside me responded with, \u201cWell this is Ruth Z. W. Johnson \u2013 she writes it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Let me take this opportunity to explain my pen<\/em> name. As my first book was about to be published and I was given the opportunity to write this column (thank you then-editor Madison Taylor) I realized Ruth Johnson was a very common name. I decided to include the initials of my full maiden name \u2013 Z. for Zachary and W. for Wright \u2013 to add a little pizzazz.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n When Stephanie heard that, she stopped scanning and came out from behind the check-out, arms outreached and tears forming. We embraced. A long time. \u201cThank you, thank you so much,\u201d she spoke softly. \u201cMy husband has Alzheimer\u2019s and along with our two sons, I\u2019m his caregiver. You have helped me so much.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n This was one of the first public affirmations I had received, and it definitely convinced me that continuing to write \u2013 even if my only remuneration was a free subscription to the newspaper \u2013 was well worth the effort. Who am I kidding? With a confirmation like Stephanie\u2019s, I would continue to inform and encourage caregivers like Stephanie even without receiving the daily newspapers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That encounter began a relationship between Stephanie and me that has continued. She now oversees the self-check-out area, so that is where I take my cart each week. When she saw me this past Friday, she exuded, \u201cI\u2019m doing it; I\u2019m taking your advice!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I tried to remember what advice I had given recently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s taken me seven years, but I am finally going to do it! My sons and I are flying to see my mother to celebrate her 90th<\/sup> birthday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She was exuberant with details – the day of departure, the day of return four days later, and the plans she had made to make her mom\u2019s birthday a special one. A good friend had enthusiastically agreed to provide care for her husband. \u201cI know he will take good care of him,\u201d she assured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I celebrated with Stephanie that she had made this decision. I knew it wasn\u2019t easy; but it was needed. Even with her mask in place, she looked five years younger. Stephanie works full time in addition to serving as her husband\u2019s caregiver; her energy level impresses me. She deserves this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n After expressing my best wishes, I added just two words of advice (that\u2019s rare for me): \u201cLet go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She nodded in agreement. She understood. Of course, she would think about her dear husband and miss him \u2013 but for four days, she would allow someone else to provide him with excellent care while she tended to other important matters. She would enjoy every moment and come home rejuvenated as will her sons. And her mother \u2013 well, she will proclaim that her 90th<\/sup> birthday was the best ever because her daughter and grandsons were there to celebrate with her. Win-win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Seven years ago, I first wrote about the importance of caregivers scheduling regular times of respite. Following is this advice to which Stephanie referred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s start with one hour every day. You may be able to get up an hour earlier than your recipient and savor your first cup of morning coffee in solitude in your favorite space, accompanied only by inspirational reading material and your favorite music. You may prefer an activity \u2013 such as an exercise routine or mental challenge \u2013 in the afternoon when your loved one is taking a nap. Some people prefer to wind down just before bedtime with a good book. Or soak in the tub. Therein lies the key: choose the time and the type of activity \u2013 or inactivity \u2013 that nourishes your spirit. Caregivers have various interests and needs, and you should concentrate on what will inspire you. Give yourself these sixty minutes (or divide it into two thirty-minute interludes) to look forward to every day and write it on your schedule using permanent marker.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n An entire evening once a week may seem like an impossible dream for some caregivers, but you need to look at all possible options. Unless you and your loved one are the only members of your extended family, there should be someone who can take your place several hours each week. If there are no available family members, other options include neighbors, friends, fellow churchgoers or hired sitters. This will give you the opportunity to join a support group, enjoy a meal out, or go shopping \u2013 just choose something you want to do and not a \u201cchore.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n You will want to turn to the same sources to find someone who can take over for you one full day (24 hours) or dream big \u2013 one entire weekend – each month. These longer periods will make it possible for you to get together with friends, attend church, participate in recreational activities or pamper yourself (think hair salon, mani\/pedi or massage). Yes, you deserve it, but more significantly, in the long run, both you and your loved one will reap the benefits.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t forget to make plans for an annual vacation. It needn\u2019t be an exotic or extended trip, but it should give you something to look forward to and pleasant memories to bring back home. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Better late than never, Stephanie. Have a safe trip and a fantastic time!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I first met Stephanie years ago after I had just begun writing a caregiving column in our local paper and was developing a small group of \u201cfollowers.\u201d As I was grocery shopping, a fellow shopper recognized me from the thumbnail snapshot that accompanied my weekly writings. Looking back, that is somewhat alarming. Anyway, as we chatted in the check-out line (one of my favorite pastimes pre-COVID) the woman behind the register (Stephanie) heard the word \u201ccaregiver\u201d and chimed in. \u201cOh,…<\/p>\n